PresidentBiden

If Donald Trump were still president and unemployment claims had dropped to their lowest point in 53 years, he’d be spitting out all-caps tweets like chicken bits into his bedside KFC-bone spittoon. That is, if he could still tweet. Sure, he lost his Twitter privileges because he tried to end American...

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  • March 24, 2022

Sometimes I wonder what might have happened had Jim Comey kept his mouth shut prior to the 2016 election, and if Hillary Clinton were now in the second year of her second term. The House hearings on Mr. Potato Head would have been something, I’m sure. That said, it’s hard...

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  • March 1, 2022

The GOP will henceforth and forevermore be known as “The Vladimir Putin Republican Dance Party.” In the span of a few short decades, our Republicomrades went from “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” to “I know Vladimir likes me, but does he like like me?”—all because the derpiest derp who ever...

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  • February 25, 2022

Most people would—quite rightly—assume that “fresh produce” and “Donald Trump” have no business being in the same sentence unless there’s some secret Russian kompromat Christopher Steele left out of his dossier. I’d like to say Trump and produce are like oil and water, but they’re more like matter and antimatter. I shudder...

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  • October 19, 2021

You could say Ted Cruz is about as funny as a debilitating brain parasite, but that would be imprecise. He’s as funny as a brain parasite attempting to do prop comedy at 1 a.m on a Wednesday at a Sioux Falls Holiday Inn. In other words, much less funny than your workaday...

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  • October 10, 2021