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'Stop the Steal' lawmaker who was in D.C. on Jan. 6 is now auditing ballots in Arizona

4 min read

For some reason I don’t have complete faith in this vote audit they’re performing in Arizona. For one thing, hardly anyone heard of Cyber Ninjas, the company that’s performing the audit, before this farce commenced. For another, the company is named “Cyber Ninjas.” That’s like going with a wealth management firm called Sticky Icky OG Kush LLC.

If there isn’t a table of kids in the corner of the Veterans Memorial Coliseum coloring in official ballots like they’re Denny’s placemats right now, I’ll be kind of surprised, honestly. You’d get better results tossing the ballots in the Grand Canyon and assuming they’ll sort themselves into Biden/Trump votes by force of gravity, as crayon is presumably heavier than ink.

But it wasn’t enough simply to run a nakedly partisan and politically motivated audit of the election that Biden clearly won (nationally and in Arizona). Oh, no. You need a pro-Trump “Stop the Steal” aficionado to partake as well—otherwise, what has this all been about, anyway?

Seems an Arizona Republic reporter was kicked out of the Veterans Memorial Coliseum on Friday after taking pictures of Rep. Anthony Kern, a former Arizona state lawmaker who was shown sitting at a ballot-counting table in front of a stand that held a ballot. Audit organizers claimed that the photo went against a rule prohibiting such photos, though nothing significant was visible on the ballot shown on the photo.

Of course, the hinky part of this isn’t that a reporter was snapping pics; it’s that Kern was anywhere within sniffing distance of this certified shit-show.

The Arizona Republic:

The selection of Kern, a candidate in last year’s election, to work on the recount adds to questions about what has been an opaque and changing process for handling the 2.1 million ballots Maricopa County voters cast in last year’s general election.

Kern, who was defeated in an election bid in November, was active in “Stop the Steal” efforts. He also signed a letter with several other Republican lawmakers urging Congress not to accept the presidential electors selected by Arizona voters. And he was in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 6 to speak to a rally outside the U.S. Capitol on the same day a mob stormed the building.

Sheesh. Well this audit just lost all the credibility it had!

While Kern isn’t counting ballots for his own failed election bid, he’s no more unbiased when it comes to Trump’s defeat than he is with respect to his own—despite Cyber Ninjas’ assurances:

But the CEO of Cyber Ninjas, the Florida-based firm the Arizona Senate has hired to oversee the process, told reporters last week that workers were screened to ensure “there was nothing on their social media or other details that showed strong opinions one way or another.”

Okay, then. Well, that’s clearly bullshit.

So, yeah. There’s that.

And this:

And this:

No one on the planet other than the derpity-derps who are already convinced Trump was robbed will believe these results, of course. But that doesn’t mean this travesty won’t further undermine faith in our elections and lead to another raft of racist voter restriction bills.

Republicans, think about it. The only reasonable way to protest phantom voter fraud is to stop participating in these farcical elections.

Don’t vote! That’ll show us.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via TwitterNeed a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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