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Senators given flashcards with pithy, reporter-avoiding responses

Okay, “responses” may be overstating it. These are more like mantras a cult leader might give you.


In case you can’t read those, here they are, in all their luminous glory:

  • Please move out of my way.
  • You are preventing me from doing my job.
  • Please excuse me, I am trying to get to the Senate Floor.
  • Please excuse me, I need to get to a hearing/meeting.
  • Please do not touch me.

Of course, I have some questions.

  1. How dumb are U.S. senators? Do they really need printed bullet points on flashcards to remember “please move out of my way” and “you are preventing me from doing my job”? 
  2. I’d assume most Republican senators hear “please do not touch me” on a daily basis. They can’t remember that one at least?
  3. Do they pull this card out of their wallet when needed, or do they spend an hour in front of the mirror every night practicing their delivery?
  4. Who do U.S. senators work for? The people or Donald Trump? Shouldn’t they be happy to answer reporters’ questions?
  5. These are very boring. How about, “my pet sugar glider is rather zealously suckling my teat at the moment” (male senators only) or “I’m just a hologram; the real me is safely squirreled away inside Donald Trump’s sigmoid colon” or “suck my balls, Jimmy Olsen” (female senators only)?

CBS News has more:

It wasn't immediately clear who distributed the cards. The Senate sergeant at arms and U.S. Capitol Police did not respond to questions about the cards' origins.

Senators are not allowed to speak in the chamber during the impeachment trial, and the Senate has implemented several measures restricting reporters' access to lawmakers outside the chamber.

Some senators have already shown frustration with the press before the trial has even begun. In response to a question from CNN reporter Manu Raju on Wednesday, Senator Martha McSally called him a “liberal hack.”

Okay, rude. But at least McSally’s response was somewhat less anodyne than the flashcard answers.

And, of course, she’s being rewarded for her lack of accountability to the American people — because that’s what the GOP is all about these days:


— Trump War Room — Text FIGHT to 88022 (@TrumpWarRoom) January 16, 2020


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The FAKE NEWS question McSally refused to answer? “Should the Senate consider new evidence as part of the impeachment trial?”

Yes, what a totally out-of-bounds question. How dare CNN mention new incriminating evidence that thoroughly implicates Donald Trump? Bunch of hacks.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its super-fun sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy. 

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