If you want to catch Sen. Ron Johnson in a lie, just ask him a question. If you merely want to catch him, put a peanut in a box with a hole that’s big enough for him to slide his hand through but not big enough for him to remove his closed fist. When you finally show up three days later, he’ll be so desperate for your help he’ll grant you three wishes.
So, yeah, it’s no surprise that Johnson has already disgorged the clumsiest and dumbest post-impeachment take you’re likely to hear from anyone in Congress.
In an interview today with conservative radio talk show host Jay Weber, RoJo said this:
“The fact of the matter is this didn’t seem like an armed insurrection to me. I mean armed, when you hear armed, don’t you think of firearms? Here’s the questions I would have liked to ask. How many firearms were confiscated? How many shots were fired? I’m only aware of one, and I’ll defend that law enforcement officer for taking that shot.”
Really? You’re not armed unless you’re carrying a gun? Tell that to any one of the Chicagoland Chuck E. Cheeses I’m no longer allowed to set foot in.
For some reason, I happen to think bashing in a cop’s head with a fire extinguisher pretty much qualifies as “armed.” Call me crazy.
Of course, PolitiFact had a field day with this one, bestowing the rare and coveted “Pants on Fire” award on ol’ RoJ:
[N]ews reports are filled with accounts of armed people at the Capitol.
NBC News reported that within a week after the attack a dozen guns and thousands of rounds of ammunition had been found on seven people arrested before and after the Capitol riot.
Not only that, Trump hooligans were caught with all sorts of other nasty weapons:
David Blair, 26, was seen hitting officers with a lacrosse stick, NBC said. Others had pepper spray, brass knuckles, a pipe and pocket knives, and one man was carrying a “stinger whip,” a tool with blunt and whip-like edges marketed for self-defense and escaping a locked vehicle.
One rioter was caught on video beating a police officer with a flagpole bearing an American flag, NBC Washington reported. The New York Times reviewed video that showed people using stolen police shields, sticks and crutches as weapons.
And then there were those pipe bombs, but why split hairs, huh?
PolitiFact’s bottom line on RoJo’s statement? “That’s ridiculous revisionist history.”
But then if you’re trying to make your not-guilty impeachment vote seem like something other than treason, it behooves you to downplay the seriousness of what happened.
And while these 21st century revolutionaries for some reason decided to leave their muskets in their Hyundais, they nevertheless showed up prepared to kidnap and kill.
So might you want change your vote now, Ron?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — BETTE MIDLER on author ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING, via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.