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Scenes from the bunker: Trump plans unironic trip to Alamo, Texas; still furious about Twitter ban

3 min read

Donald Trump is ending his presidency the way he began it—as a squishy wad of id that just can’t get over how unfairly it’s been treated.

Because he has the miasmic ego of a tyrant and the self-awareness of a prechewed legume, Trump is eschewing quiet reflection and self-recrimination in his final days for even more effervescent poo-flinging.

First, The Washington Post:

Trump spent much of the day Saturday railing about Twitter taking his account, according to two officials. The president has not said anything about the five people who died in the attack, including a Capitol Police officer, nor has he moved to lower the flags of the U.S. government in their honor. He does not plan to make that order and has complained to advisers that he is being treated unfairly, two people familiar with his comments said.

Can his advisers tell him he should lower the flag in honor of his bruised and battered ego? Honestly, I can’t think of any other way to get him to do the decent thing.

And he doesn’t care to mention the people who died in the attack—one of whom was a police officer and the rest of whom were ostensibly his supporters? They literally died for him … er, his lies. But he can’t think about their wrongful deaths because he’s far too focused on the rightful death of his Twitter account. 

Sorry, Donny. Your Twitter account will never be resurrected. And one day your molted pumpkin rind will be all that’s left of you. No schools, bridges, airports, or monuments will bear your name. All you have left are Rudy Giuliani, Kevin Sorbo, Chachi, a large-ish future Parler following, and a few other hangers-on. Maybe Randy Quaid if you can keep pace with his crazy. 


Now the pièce de résistance, from Bloomberg. Trump is going to spend one of his final days in Alamo, Texas. Because optics!

Trump plans to run out the clock on his four years in office by highlighting what he believes are his biggest accomplishments, including the barrier his administration built on at least part of the U.S. border with Mexico. A trip to Alamo, Texas, near the border is expected on Tuesday, a White House spokesman said. 

Trump is going to highlight his useless Maginot Line? You mean the wall that you can cut through like butter with a $100 Home Depot saw? That seems like a fitting coda. Trump hypes another non-accomplishment while the country burns around him. Oh, and he’s going to put on his little show at Alamo, Texas. Because it brings to mind the site where Texans made a last stand before, you know, getting slaughtered.



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Donald Trump. Always focusing on others—so long as they’re fighting against him and not suffering horribly because of something awful and unfathomably selfish that he did.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

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