If you happened to read Bob Woodward’s recent Trump book, Fear: Holy Fuck, Holy Fuck, Holy Fuck, Oh Christ, Just Kill Me Now!, you know how obsessed our pr*sident is with shaking down other countries for protection money — so much so that he’s willing to upset world peace and stability to get his vig.
Forget about human rights or global alliances or preventing World War III. It’s all about collecting our tribute.
So if you were already concerned that Trump conducts business more like a mobster than a statesman, just wait till you get a load of this.
Over the summer, the Saudi Arabian government promised the Trump administration $100 million for the U.S.’s efforts to stabilize parts of Syria liberated from the Islamic State, a coup for Donald Trump, who regularly complains about other countries not coughing up enough money on defense. But despite the pledge, one official involved in Syria policy told The New York Times that it was unclear when, if ever, the money would actually materialize in American bank accounts. But as luck would have it, just this past Tuesday, it did—the same day Secretary of State Mike Pompeo landed in Riyadh to get some answers on the fate of Jamal Khashoggi, the Saudi journalist and dissident who entered the kingdom’s consulate in Turkey on October 2 and was never seen again.
Holy shit. Remember that scene in The Sopranos where Tony had to negotiate with Johnny Sack over the proper compensation for the murder of a member of the New York crew? This sounds exactly like that.
“The timing of this is no coincidence,” the American official working on Syria policy told the Times on Tuesday, just as Trump himself stepped up his defense of the kingdom, telling the Associated Press that what we have here is another case of “guilty until proven innocent,” which is exactly what happened with Brett Kavanaugh, who the president believes is “innocent all the way.” Trump also informed his Twitter followers that Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman maintains he knows nothing about nothing, and if you can’t trust the word of the guy who imprisoned his own cousins, who can you trust?
Sure, money is nice, but so is credibility, trust, and respect. We’ve lost all three, and we’re less than two years into our stubby-fingered Mafia dung’s first (sorry, swallowed my tongue there for a second) term.
Guess $100 million is now the price countries have to pay to 86 a U.S. permanent resident. Good to know. Better stay out of Saudi Arabia, kids (and Russia, while you’re at it).
Yo! Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s new book, The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is now available at Amazon.
And don’t forget about Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, which you can purchase here.