I’m not religious. You might say I’m an agnostic with Buddhist leanings — but most people would just call me a heathen. And that’s fine with me.
I was raised Catholic, and I’m aware that there’s a campaign called Catholics Come Home, but at this point returning to church would feel a bit too much like going back to the library with a 45-year-overdue book. Plus, I just don’t buy the narrative. So be it.
But Joe Biden is a Catholic, and he’s conspicuously noted how his faith has helped him through several tragedies, including the deaths of two children and his first wife.
Donald Trump, of course, thinks Biden will “hurt God,” the omnipotent creator of the universe, and “hurt the Bible,” a book with 5 billion copies currently in print.
And Rush Limbaugh — big surprise — appears to agree with Trump.
RUSH LIMBAUGH (HOST): They are phonies. These are the people that tried to keep you from going to church. Look at what they did to Trump when he went over to the church on the other side of Lafayette Park. Look how they tried to destroy that.
Hmm, somehow he leaves out the part about tear-gassing and terrorizing peaceful protesters — among them an Episcopal priest.
Look at how they tried to destroy the Moral Majority, the Jerry Falwells and the Billy Grahams.
So it is not incorrect to say that they’ve got a problem with God. I’ll tell you what, their God is not — is not ours. Their God is some inanimate tree or a series of trees — the environment or some such thing. And this has been the case for as long as I have been doing the show and before. But it’s one of these things, you’re just not supposed to say it. You're just not supposed to call them — but Trump does, Trump calls them out on it.
Uh, Trump is the apotheosis of the seven deadly sins, and he’s demonstrably the least Christian person on the planet. I’m way more Christian than he is, because I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me, and I actually know some of what’s in the Bible. In fact, I’d love to quiz Trump on Bible trivia. I’d probably ask him which of the magi brought the glazed spiral ham on the first Christmas morning. Then I’d ask who won the epic biblical showdown between the son of Yahweh and the son of Jor-El in the Battle of the Falafel Valley.
So here, we got — here's a little Drive-By montage, just outraged that Trump would say that Biden is against God.
How — the media, you know, they don’t particularly care much about religion, either. You can't — folks, you cannot be an American leftist today, and also be religious in the traditional sense. You just can’t be. They are not pro-God type people, certainly not pro-Christian.
To come along, “He’s a devout Catholic.” Well, based on what? “Well, he’s had, his son died, and he was — a funeral for — devout — Catholicism has seen him through some very tough days.”
That’s a crutch. It’s a crutch that liberal Democrat politicians are allowed to lean on.
Joe Biden lost two children and a spouse, and this luffing foreskin spinnaker is going to question his faith?
Uh … fuck you?
By the way, I don’t know one liberal whose God is a tree or a series of trees. And just how many trees constitute one god? I’d really like to know.
“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!