Apparently, Rudy Giuliani just discovered video filters. Specifically, he found the Planet of the Apes Cornelius filter and added a stovepipe hat. Or maybe it’s Abraham Lincoln. I don’t know. The last thing I want to do is try to get into Rudy’s head. I imagine it’s a little like visiting a Jaycees haunted house inside a beluga whale’s uterus—only marginally more disorienting.
So, yeah, Rudy’s having another normal one today, and he wants to make sure Virginians vote against Democrat Terry McAuliffe in the upcoming gubernatorial election.
So Ol’ Man Fiddle-Crotch thought this was a good idea:
GIULIANI: “Virginia, vote against the man who dishonored our past by selling my bedroom hundreds and hundreds of times … in a pay-for-play scheme. In my time, we had a name for men who sold bedrooms for one night. In your time, the name is Terry McAuliffe. End the Clinton sleaze once and for all!”
Okay, that was … something. And I’m not going to suggest, without evidence, that Rudy was tippling before he posted this. All I’ll say is, if he was, he might want to switch to the low-cal paint thinner. He’s looking a bit jowly—though maybe that’s just the filter.
Of course, this is all pretty hilarious coming from one of Donald Trump’s top supporters. And it’s particularly risible considering his own role in a scheme to buy political favors from foreign governments in exchange for $400 million in military aid.
But, hey, why be consistent when there’s apparently very little downside to being a weaselly, goop-spritzing hypocrite?
By the way, here’s what Rudy’s babbling about. According to PolitFact, he’s pretty well full of shit, as usual.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.