Ron DeSantis: If you can go to Home Depot during pandemic, kids can 'absolutely' go to school


Ron DeSantis, who’s doing a fantastic job as the Joker’s top henchman but a horrible job as governor of Florida, has OD’d on his crazy pills again.

The man who’s currently presiding over one of coronavirus’ favorite summer vacation spots wants to open the schools posthaste because … wait for it! … people aren’t afraid to go to Walmart and Home Depot!

CBS 12 News, Jacksonville:

Gov. DeSantis says he's confident kids will be safe from the coronavirus when they go back to school in the fall.

“If you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools,” said DeSantis at a news conference in Jacksonville with U.S. Labor Secretary Eugene Scalia.

DeSantis said data shows the risk of the virus in kids is extremely low, and that the risk of hospitalization from the virus for those under 18 is “substantially less” than for the flu.

Uh, first of all …

Finally, Florida ranks in the top five in something other than face-eating cannibalism!

Oh, and …



Of course, he’s free to test out his theory by taking a sabbatical from whatever he’s doing and going to work as a substitute teacher. Maybe he could even take his charges on a field trip to Home Depot. Probably not Walmart, though. That place is like a Civil War field hospital even when there’s no pandemic. It might be safer to eat a bowl of fortified bat assholes, assuming Kellogg’s has worked out the formula for keeping them crunchy even in milk.

So, yeah, you first, Gov. DeSantis. Jump into the fray! I double dog dare you.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

  • July 9, 2020