Former U.S. Rep. Paul Broun, who is running for Georgia’s open 9th District House seat, has apparently confused the COVID-19 pandemic with the zombie apocalypse. Thankfully, this crisis has little actual resemblance to the zombie apocalypse unless you squint hard and only look at Kushner.
Broun has released a campaign ad so absurd it made me want to crawl into a spiderhole and induce a coma until Jesus flies back to Earth riding a sequined Liberace and a rhinestone-encrusted Elvis like a pair of jet-fueled rocket boots. (Oh, it will happen. I just don’t know the day or the hour.)
BROUN: “In uncertain times like these, the right to defend yourself, your property and your family could not be more important. Whether it’s looting hordes from Atlanta or a tyrannical government from Washington, there are few better liberty machines than an AR-15. You see, Marxists know that Americans will never submit to socialism and place government on the throne of our hearts without a big fight. Well, I’m just not feeling like giving up my guns to the government. I’ve decided to give away an AR-15 to one lucky person who signs up for email updates from PaulBroun.com. Now remember, you must be at least 17 years old to enter. [Gunfire] God bless America.”
Looting hordes from Atlanta, huh? Does he really think people from Atlanta want to drive to Podunk, Bumfuck, Georgia to abscond with fusty, yellowing wall hangings with Bible quotes embroidered on them? Somehow I don’t see people raiding this guy’s neighborhood and running back to Atlanta carrying sacks brimming with TruckNutz.
Also, racist much?
Oh, and now is maybe not the time to be turning away socialists and socialist “handouts.” Just a hunch.
We are in uncertain times. But maybe he should think about giving away protective masks or Netflix subscriptions. This stunt is more likely to get a Census worker or two killed than actually protect anyone.
But what’s a Republican campaign for anything without veiled racism and fearmongering? It’s pretty much the only skill they’ve mastered.
Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.