Because he’s the angel of death, Donald Trump is pressuring schools to reopen in the face of the glowing Skeletor skull that is coronavirus. Just yesterday, Betsy DeVos, the administration’s education something-something, told Fox News’ Tucker Carlson that the administration is “very seriously” looking at withholding federal funds from schools that refuse to reopen

And Trump, of course, has a raging death boner for our most vulnerable citizens, because disgruntled employees often fantasize about burning down their workplace on their last day. They just rarely get around to doing it.

But, hey, this is Trump we’re talking about.


Meanwhile, it was considered a matter of some urgency to spring Paul Manafort, Trump’s former campaign manager, and Michael Cohen, Trump’s former fixer, out of prison so they wouldn’t be subjected to the deadly virus.

It’s clear where this is going, huh?


— Brian J. Karem (@BrianKarem) July 8, 2020


— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) July 8, 2020

I don’t have video of this exchange at the moment. If anyone finds it, I’ll embed it.

Still, the question is a good one.

Why, indeed?


— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) July 8, 2020


— 🇺🇸Just an Anti-Trump Redhead🇺🇸 (@mommyof3clj) July 8, 2020


— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) July 8, 2020


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Kayleigh McEnany has no answer to this question … because there is no acceptable answer. So the newly minted Mouth of Sauron will punt, I’m sure.

Then again, Paul Manafort, who I assume is what nicotine breath would look like if it were able to assume human form, is a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON. Your kid is just a stupid child.

Now get back to work. And school. And the ball pit at McDonald’s.

Donald Trump’s America is perfectly NORMAL, y’all! Stop trying to embarrass our pr*sident by staying in your room and wearing nerdy masks and shit.

MAGA, baby! I am not yet tired of #winning.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!