This feels like your parents coming home after asking Hannibal Lecter to babysit and then leaving nothing for him in the fridge but fava beans and a nice Chianti. Where have you been, Joe and Kamala!? Don’t ever leave me alone with him again!
Honestly, I almost wanted to cry after watching this clip. A president … who cares … about me! And YOU!
How fucking surreal!
BIDEN: “And now a lot of these folks are facing eviction, they’re waiting hours in their cars, literally hours in their cars, waiting to be able to feed their children as they drive up to a food bank. This is the United States of America, they’re waiting to feed their kids. Folks who are able to still keep their jobs, many have seen their paychecks reduced and they’re barely hanging on and wondering what’s next. Sometimes the anxiety about what’s gonna happen next is more consequential than what actually happened. But this is happening today in America. This cannot be who we are as a country. These are not the values of our nation. We cannot, will not let people go hungry. We cannot let people be evicted because of nothing they did themselves. We cannot watch people lose their jobs; we have to act. We have to act now. It’s not just to meet the moral obligation to treat our fellow Americans with the dignity and respect they deserve. This is an economic imperative, a growing economic consensus that we must act decisively and boldly to grow the economy for all Americans. Not just for tomorrow but in the future.”
Okay, to be fair, I didn’t watch the entire address. This is just a clip. I suppose it’s possible he whipped out his electoral map to show everyone his “landslide” victory. Or maybe he insisted we should have stolen Iraq’s oil when we had the chance. Or perhaps he mentioned all the models he banged in the corner stall of a Long John Silver’s bathroom back in the early ‘80s.
Then again, I really doubt it, because he’s not that guy.
He’s a normal human, in that he cares about the more than 400,000 Americans who have died of COVID-19 and the millions upon millions more whose lives have been turned upside down because of the pandemic.
We have a long way to go, but at least our president is on the same page we are now.
The quacks, demon sperm doctors, Navarros, and Atlases have hit the bricks.
There’s a new president in town and—holeeeee fuck—he actually cares about us.
That’s a fucking relief.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!