Donald Trump

Seems conservatives have two responses to the existential threat of global climate change. The least-educated GOPsters, such as Donald Trump and the secret vault of clones Dick Cheney harvests his replacement organs from, choose to ignore it. Less-benighted Republicans (and we’re definitely grading on a curve here) downplay the crisis by pretending everything will work out in the end.

So they’re playing Russian roulette, pointing the gun at our heads, and saying, “Well, ya know, most of these chambers are empty anyway, so …”

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is one of these Pollyannas, and he figures climate change isn’t so urgent because, well, people can just move if their communities get swallowed up by the sea.


“The climate's been changing a long time. There's always changes that take place,” Pompeo said during an interview with the Washington Times published Friday, when asked whether he thought climate change was man-made and how best to address it. He did not mention anything about man-made pollution in his remarks.
“Societies reorganize, we move to different places, we develop technology and innovation,” he added. “I am convinced, I am convinced that we will do the things necessary as the climate changes.”

Yup. Societies reorganize, people build Soylent Green factories, SkyNet becomes self-aware, the apes rise, we all take our soma, and everything works out just fine.

Of course, Pompeo’s not worried about a Mad Max-style hellscape because, well, he’s been to the Netherlands.

“We'll fix it by the way organize. There's lots of ways that one can address,” he said. “If waters rise, I was just in the Netherlands, all below sea level, right? Living a wonderful, thriving economic situation. The world will be successful. I'm convinced. We will figure out responses to this that address these issues in important and fundamental ways.”

Is he being deliberately obtuse or is he really this stupid?

This isn’t just about coastal cities sinking into the ocean — as horrifying a prospect as that is. We’re also talking about mass extinctions, extreme weather events, major disruptions to ecosystems, devastating feedback loops, droughts, severe crop failures, and more.

So it’s not enough simply to build some dikes and/or move inland.

I suspect Pompeo may know that but, well, with this crowd, it’s really anyone’s guess what they understand. They may fully grasp the consequences but figure they’ll be either dead or raptured before the shit hits the fan.

I have one question, though: If dozens of our cities do sink into the ocean, who’s going to pay for it?

Is Trump still singeing your sphincter? Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the salve you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And you can get them for less than the price of a cup of coffee … or a black-market Xanax … or five minutes of therapy. It’s time to heal, my friends. Buy now!

  • June 8, 2019