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Please stop telling 'jokes' on Twitter, Mike Huckabee. I'm begging you

I believe the correct response to this tweet is “delete your account.” Or maybe “delete my eyes, please.”

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Thanks for making me imagine that, Mike Huckabee. It would have been far kinder to bore through my visual cortex with an ice auger and ram a VHS copy of The Human Centipede into the gaping hole in my head.

Now every single word in your tweet is ruined for me. Russia, horses, shirts, excitement, women — the lot.

You are as bad at Twitter as Donald Trump is at being president. And that’s saying something.

Also, feel free to stay there. It suits you. Maybe you’ll become the American Yakov Smirnoff.

Is Trump still singeing your sphincter? Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the salve you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And you can get them for less than the price of a cup of coffee … or a black-market Xanax … or five minutes of therapy. It’s time to heal, my friends. Buy now!

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