This is how I know the rapture isn’t real. If it were, God would have beamed Pat Robertson’s shrunken Gollum head into a Piper Cub 20 years ago.
Because he says shit like this.
“The Supreme Court of the United States is the power center of the liberal left,” he said. “They have done their bidding for years and years and years, and now comes a decisive moment as to whether they will lose control of that particular body and they are putting an all-out assault to destroy the reputation of one of the finest judges in America. It is a pre-planned plot, it is unbelievable, and if anybody buys it, they’d be willing to buy the story of the Great Pumpkin and any other myth that you can think of.”
Come on. I don’t buy the story of the Great Pumpkin, and I don’t know any liberals who do. I believe in the Gay Pumpkin, and he definitely causes hurricanes.
“Throw confusion into those who are bringing false accusations against a future Supreme Court judge,” Robertson prayed. “Father, even as David said, ‘Throw confusion into the counsel of Ahitophel,’ we pray that, somehow, the Holy Spirit of God will throw confusion into the counsel of these myriad accusers who are coming forth against a good man who can serve honorably for decades to come in the Supreme Court. Lord, do it. We pray in the name of Jesus, throw confusion into their counsel. Thank you, Lord. Amen.”
I must admit, Pat Robertson has thrown confusion into me many, many times. But I don’t think God had anything to do with it. It was more like, “How does he dress himself?” and “Why don’t the tapeworms eating his brain ever crawl out of his head during a live broadcast?”
So Kavanaugh clearly has crazy on his side. That’s something, anyway.
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.