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Pastor on leave after telling America's wives to look hotter, like Melania Trump

3 min read

I’m not sure if this is toxic masculinity so much as toxic schlubbery. How women, men, children, or companion animals look in public is pretty much no one’s business but their own. I mean, I live in Eugene, Oregon, where each day I see something that could have been torn from pages of The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. Every day is like, “Oh, nice pantaloons, Hello Kitty nipple clamps, and tricorne hat. Can I get my muffin and Americano now?”

So, I get it. Not everyone lives in a fashion wasteland like I choose to do.

THAT SAID … this dude has seriously gone off the rails, and I only hope for his sake he’s not married.

PASTOR STEWART ALLEN-CLARK: “Why is it so many times that women, after they get married, let themselves go? Why is that? Why do they do that? Here’s how way too many women are. ‘I’ve got him now. The chase is over.’ Hey, that’s where you’re wrong. The chase ain’t never over. The chase ain’t never over. ‘And by God, he don’t love me the way I look now, he oughta look at his own spare tire in the mirror.’ Now, look, I’m not saying every woman can be the epic trophy wife of all time, like Melania Trump. I’m not saying that at all. Most women can’t be trophy wives, you know, like her. Maybe you’re a participation trophy. I don’t know, but all I can say is not everybody looks like that. Amen. Not everybody looks like that, but you don’t need to look like a butch either. Hey, here’s something you need to know. You need to know this. Men have a need for their women to look like women. And sweatpants don’t cut it all the time. Wearing flip-flops and pajamas to Walmart, that ain’t gonna work. Ain’t nothing attractive about that. Men want their wives to look good at home and in public. Can I get an ‘amen’?”

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“Ta da!”

So it turns out that sermon didn’t go over the way he planned. Because this isn’t Mad Men and this dude sure as shit ain’t Jon Hamm.

Yahoo! News:

A Missouri pastor is seeking “professional counseling” after having delivered a sermon that advised women to lose weight and aspire to resemble former first lady Melania Trump.

Pastor Stewart-Allen Clark of Missouri’s Malden First General Baptist Church is on leave and in counseling, the church told local CBS News affiliate KCTV. Clark made waves with a Sunday sermon in February where he said that women should strive to stay slim to keep men interested.

Meanwhile, the Twitter hive had some thoughts:


https://twitter.com/GMWhitehair/status/1368322066483707914?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw


All this coming from a guy who looks a lot more like a sarlacc pit than Brad Pitt.

But, hey, he speaks for the Lord, so it’s all good, man.

Oh, hi there! You like free stuff, right? The long-anticipated EPILOGUE to Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is now available for FREE. Download your copy at this link! And don’t forget to check out the rest of AJP’s oeuvre here. Sit back and enjoy the Trumplessness!

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