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Our 'Fraidy of Perpetual Toadying, Mike Pence, is *still* sucking up to Trump

3 min read

US President Donald Trump speaks during a press briefing at the White House in Washington, DC, on March 16, 2020. (Photo by Brendan Smialowski / AFP) (Photo by BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP via Getty Images)

No one has ever tried to have me killed before (that I know of), but if someone did, I doubt I’d sing hosannas and paeans to him mere months after he’d sent a mob to my workplace to murder me—or after he’d ignored my plaintive cries for help when said mob started chanting “Hang Aldous J. Pennyfarthing!” (Given the awkwardness of the phrasing, I have to believe I’m safe from such rabble, assuming they don’t discover my real name, Aldous Johann Saxe-Gotha-Coburg-Pennyfarthing IV.)

Then again, I’m not Mike Pence, the resident intestinal fluke to our tripe-heap of an ex-pr*sident.

Lickspittle of the Century award recipient Michael R. Pence is back at it again, praising Donald Trump after Trump left him for maimed and then insulted his honor again and again (calling him a coward, for one thing) in the wake of the Jan. 6 Capitol insurrection.

From The New York Times

Addressing the Palmetto Family Council, a social conservative group in South Carolina, on Thursday night, Mr. Pence made no mention of the scathing criticism Mr. Trump leveled at him for his refusal to try to overturn the 2020 presidential election results. He made only a passing mention to the attack on the Capitol on Jan. 6, which included agitated Trump supporters chanting “Hang Mike Pence” while the president did nothing for hours to stop them. 

He did not acknowledge that after standing loyally by Mr. Trump’s side for four years, Mr. Trump has been dangling insulting tidbits to conservative news outlets from his bunker at Mar-a-Lago; that includes an interview with Fox Business in which Mr. Trump said he would consider Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida as a running mate if he decided to mount another presidential run in 2024.

I can honestly say, I’ve never given this much deference to a person who clearly disdained me this much and wasn’t actively dating me. And I stopped bowing and scraping to anyone like this years and years ago. 

I can’t imagine Pence still thinks he has a political future, so I’m not quite sure what he’s doing here. Trump’s fans look at Pence and see a Smithers who’s lost his Monty. They’ll vote for the fruit of Trump’s loins—i.e., Ivanka, Don Jr., Eric, even gonorrhea—before they’ll ever vote for his vice president.

Instead, Mr. Pence made his political calculation clear: any possible future in the party for him still depends on staying closely aligned to Mr. Trump, despite the accompanying indignities. Mr. Pence said he had the “privilege of serving alongside President Donald Trump,” and reminisced about the good times they had together on the 2016 campaign trail.

Barf.

I guess this is how cults work. Though if I’d somehow survived the grape Flavor-Aid, I doubt I’d have gone back to Jonestown for the reunion every five years.

But then I don’t understand real dedication. Sad for me, I suppose.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.”  Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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