To be honest, I’m not all that concerned that the COVID vaccine I took last Friday might have a tracking device in it. For one thing, it doesn’t, because that would be bonkers. For another, I can’t fathom who the hell would want to track me. I can just imagine the folks at the NSA gawking at my 24-hour feed and thinking, “He’s going to the cupboard again? How many Little Debbie Fig Bars can one guy eat?”
Also, I have a phone in my pocket that’s tracking me pretty much everywhere I go—which is basically nowhere except the aforementioned cupboard. If the government really wants to send in an artillery strike, they can just check the iPhone coordinates. Or look up my address, FFS.
Honestly, Republicans need to come up with better, more plausible horror stories—like that the vaccine contains a cache of self-replicating nanobots that gradually Brundlefly you into a Republican. Now that would give me pause.
Sadly, though, the way this conspiracy theory so effortlessly glides off this doofus’ tongue makes me think he represents thousands, if not millions, of his fellow travelers in the International Bizarro World Party.