Loopy shrunken apple head Rudy Giuliani has been at the vanguard of Donald Trump’s farewell unreality tour — a lurid spectacle that reached its zany zenith over the weekend when his team scheduled a press conference to bellow into the wind about fraud or something. Oddly enough, the event was at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, which is now roughly as famous as the Four Seasons hotel chain. Oh, and the venue was between an adult bookstore and a crematorium, which pretty much tracks what will surely be the rest of Rudy’s woebegone life after he’s done clowning himself on behalf of Donald Trump.
Well, it gets better.
The first person Rudy Giuliani, the attorney for President Donald Trump, called up as a witness to baseless allegations of vote counting shenanigans in Philadelphia during a press conference last week is a sex offender who for years has been a perennial candidate in New Jersey.
“It’s such a shame. This is a democracy,” Daryl Brooks, who said he was a GOP poll watcher, said at the press conference, held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Northeast Philadelphia. “They did not allow us to see anything. Was it corrupt or not? But give us an opportunity as poll watchers to view all the documents — all of the ballots.”
Brooks was incarcerated in the 1990s on charges of sexual assault, lewdness and endangering the welfare of a minor for exposing himself to two girls ages 7 and 11, according to news accounts.
Brooks has run for various offices, including U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives.
So there’s that.
Reportedly, Jared Bumblefuck Kushner frantically searched for a James Baker-like figure to lead Trump’s whatever-this-is, and he got more of a Jim Bakker-like figure.
Actually, it’s worse than that. He got Rudy Giuliani. He already had Rudy Giuliani. And look how that turned out.
Can’t wait to find out that Four Seasons Total Landscaping is just a front for a meth lab, because that would fill my schadenfreude tank to the tippy top.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!