OK Mr President, can you go over this one more time?

Donald Trump

OK, I think I’ve finally got this shit figured out. The real reason that Dumbledork of DC keeps talking so much is because he’s finally figured out that rank stupidity is the only thing that he can continue to export without China and the European Union slapping a 25% tariff on it. Although, if they’re on their game, that may be coming shortly.

Please Mr President, I beg you, stop it! You’re making my brain hurt. For more than 3 years now, you’ve been talking about what a total joke our immigration laws are, and how the whole world is laughing at us. But now, all of a sudden it’s the Mexicans who have to get their shit together?

It seems like Trump wants the Mexican government to stop the refugee “caravan” coming up from Honduras to the southern border, apparently because he hasn’t finished cleaning out the cages yet, and some of the previous guests had 4:00 PM checkouts. I can’t seem to stop thinking about how something like this wold go if the shoe were on the other foot. Imagine this scene playing out at a border control station along the Canadian-US border;

CBP Agent: Good morning, may I see your passports please? Canadian: Good morning. Here you go sir. CBP Agent: Thank you sir. Let’s see, you are Royal C Mounty? Canadian: Yes sir, that’s right, and these are my wife and daughters. CBP Agent: And what is the purpose of your visit to the United states? Canadian: Oh, we’re just driving through, we’re moving to Cancun. CBP Agent: What? Haven’t you heard? Mexico doesn’t want you people anymore, they think Celine Dion sucks! Now, turn around and go back you hosers!

Now, that whole scenario is patently absurd, but when you break it down to its core, it’s exactly what Trump is talking about. Trump has spent more than 3 years insulting and denigrating the Mexican government and people, but now he thinks that the Mexican government is like his secretary in the outer office, they’re the ones who are supposed to stop the process server from getting into the office to hand him the bankruptcy papers.

I couldn’t help but shake my head last week. Trump bellowed and thundered at the Guatemalan government, threatening to take away their milk money if they didn’t send all of those scruffy Hondurans packing back where they came from. Then he breathed a huge sigh of relief when the Mexican police herded all of the migrants into a camp just on the Mexican side of the border, only to wail and gnash his teeth when he found out that the only reason they stopped them was to make sure that they all had the transit visas they needed to go through the country.

The thing that galls me the most about all of this is the rank hypocrisy. I don’t know who His Lowness thinks that he’s kidding, but this caravan is a godsend to him. The “dead cat bounce” that the GOP got from the Kvanaugh hearing is waning. The GOP has no issues to run on, and their closing argument to the American people is fear and loathing. And while images of 4 year olds in dog kennels may not be what GOP incumbents in suburban districts need on their resumes, it keeps Trump’s goosesteppers and bed sheet wearing crowd happy, and that’s all that really matters in the long run.

Why is it that every time Trumplethinskin pulls lame shit ie this, the only thing I can think of is that scene in Spaceballs, where Dark Helmet is sitting in his quarters, playing with his Spaceballs action figures? What a way to run a railroad.


The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.

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