'Now they're screwed': Trump aides who stayed on through Capitol riots face impossible job search

Donald Trump

So locking kids in cages, praising “very fine people on both sides,” shivving democracy, criminally mishandling a pandemic, and lying nonstop were not enough to make Trumpies permanent pariahs. But it looks like inciting a murderous mob may have finally done the trick. Go figure.

Now that the ex-prez with the adobe hut head has slipped the surly bonds of reality once and for all to set up permanent residence outside the Mar-a-Lago omelet bar, the dumbfucks who stayed with him to the bitter end are finding that being a barnacle on the ass of ignominy wasn’t such a great career move after all.


But as Trump gingerly charts out next steps, he is doing so increasingly alone. Two of his most trusted confidantes, Johnny McEntee and Hope Hicks, declined to join him in Florida after spending years by his side on the campaign trail and in the West Wing.

Many other aides have left his side, eager to start anew far away from their former boss. White House aides and administration officials who once relished their West Wing perches have jetted off on remote getaways — cashing in on a mountain of unused vacation time. Others are frantically asking former colleagues for help finding work as they prioritize their own careers over whatever chapter Trump is planning for himself.

Derp. Too late!

This is like staring down at a testicle the size of a Yugo and suddenly thinking, “Hmm, maybe I should get that checked.” The time to jettison trump was FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO. But enjoy the wrong side of history, you kooky quislings. I hear the omelets are more than serviceable over there.

According to Politico, some former aides have seen job offers rescinded in the wake of Trump’s bumblefuck putsch on Jan. 6, and others are watching promising leads vanish.

“They are really f—ed,” the strategist said, pointing to some top officials who stuck with Trump until the bitter end. “The Hill scramble, one of the few places where they’d be welcomed, already happened a month or so ago… They were told over and over to take their hand off the hot stove, and they didn’t want to listen.”

It’s not just the lower- and mid-level staffers getting pinched. Two people familiar with his thinking said Trump’s former chief of staff Mark Meadows, who spent seven years in the House of Representatives before joining the White House, was even considering a position at the Trump Organization because of a lack of options.

What the fuck would Mark Meadows do at the Trump Organization? Help Donny pick out fabric swatches? He’s not really qualified for it, but then when has that ever stopped Trump?

Another one for the Schadenfreude Files, folks.

When will this stop being so delicious? Maybe never. Donald Trump is the Everlasting Gobstopper of Flailing Fucknuttery.

I honestly can’t imagine a day when this is no longer hilarious.

Can you?

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!

  • January 25, 2021