Now there's an 800 number where you can shower Trump with golden thank-yous

Sorry about the headline.

Let me make it up to you by showing you this:

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In case you don’t feel like watching a hastily slapped together cross between a Leni Riefenstahl film and a ShamWow infomercial, here’s the text:

“President Trump has achieved more during his time in office than any president in history, and that is why we need every Trump supporter to pick up the phone right now and deliver a personal thank-you to your president. We have a booming economy, historical unemployment, including the lowest unemployment rate for minorities in history. We’re bringing jobs back to America through new trade deals, and the world is a safer place. We need to let President Trump know that we appreciate what he’s doing for America. I need you to call the number on your screen and deliver a thank-you to President Trump. Call or go online now.”

And here’s that 800 number, in case you want to “thank” Pr*sident Trump for spending 12 hours a day on the toilet covered head to toe in Popeyes chicken grease. But fair warning, it’s actually just a solicitation for campaign donations. Gee, is nothing sacred anymore?

1-800-684-3043

Be a soulless gibbon fart and call now!

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Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.

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But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!