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Not guilty by reason of Sean Hannity: Insurrectionist's lawyer claims he suffered from 'Foxitus'

2 min read

The gendarmes are still rounding up the Trumpaloompas who tried to steal our democracy on Jan. 6, and by now it’s clear that these Fisher Price militiamen have lost much of their revolutionary fervor after being placed under the klieg lights of the criminal justice system lo these many months.

So you get lots of weird excuses from lawyers attempting to explain why all these nice white folks went all Leeroy Jenkins on our republic earlier this year even after we’d pulled off the most secure election in our country’s history.

But this excuse takes the (beautiful piece of chocolate) cake

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For the nontweeters:

Attorney for Capitol defendant Anthony Antonio said his client had “Foxitus” and “Foxmania” from watching six months of Fox News and started “believing what was being fed to him” by Fox News and the president.

Hmm, when I watch Fox News, I just get liver damage, because I can’t get through 20 minutes of Tucker Carlson without downing at least a fifth of Scotch and stabbing myself in the abdomen with the broken bottle.

But, hey, our bodies are all different, aren’t they?

Good luck, Anthony! Not sure that “Foxitus” is a real condition, but if it is you’re certainly not alone. Maybe we can start a GoFundMe for you. Or at the very least make sure your ailment is counted as a preexisting condition under Obamacare. 

*Note: I saw the “not guilty by reason of Sean Hannity” bon mot in some saucy wag’s tweet. It’s not original with me, but it was too good to pass up. Unfortunately, I can no longer find the tweet I stole it from. If it’s you, step right up to claim your free soft pretzel and pair of Alvin Styczynski tickets.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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