After all the excitement surrounding the launch of Mike “MyPillow Guy” Lindell’s Frank Speech vanity project, things appear to have died down quickly. Earlier in the week, the site at least featured the collected works of the biggest ‘lection loons in the U.S., and there appeared to be a sign-up screen for all those brutally censored patriots who couldn’t wait for a safe space in which to call Hillary Clinton a baby blood-drinking Illuminati reptile person—without ever swearing or using the Lord’s name in vain, of course.
Today? You’ve got Lindell’s Frankathon running on a continuous loop, and Absolute Interference, the latest Mike Lindell joint that’s supposed to convince nine Supreme Court justices to unanimously overturn the November election, is loitering on the home page like a guy at Dunkin’ Donuts who tells every new customer that the COVID-19 vaccines are made of communist mouse farts, evil alien nanobots, and ghee.
In other words, Lindell’s site is a huge, huge fail, and it doesn’t look like its fortunes will turn around anytime soon, because—and I know this is hard to accept, but it appears to be true—Mike Lindell is basically just a fleshy vessel for the glorification of ‘70s pornstaches, whose expertise is limited to hawking subpar pillows and melting women’s hearts into libidinous puddles of yearning with the titillating timber of his voice.
So where did the launch of a complex social media platform fail where the stuffing of pillowcases with cheap shredded foam so clearly succeeded? Oh, lordy, let us count the ways.
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.