Never mind COVID: Trump is focused on bringing back firing squads

Donald Trump has frequently referred to COVID-19 as an “invisible enemy” — which may be why he’s pretending he doesn’t see it.

The coronavirus outbreak is worse than it’s ever been in this country, but as the lame duck à l'orange flops about for the next two months like an elderly manatee who just lost a fight with an outboard motor, the Trump administration is hardly sitting on its hands. 

ProPublica has a new report on the shitty regulatory changes Trump may be mulling while he waits for the Hale-Bopp comet to take him to a planet where Adderall and McNugget sauces flow like milk and honey, and one item in particular caught my eye:

One proposal has raced through the process with little notice but unusual speed — and deadly consequences. This rule could reintroduce firing squads and electrocutions for federal executions, giving the government more options for administering capital punishment as drugs used in lethal injections become unavailable. The Justice Department surfaced the proposal in August and accepted public comments for only 30 days, instead of the usual 60. The rule cleared White House review on Nov. 6, meaning it could be finalized any day. The Justice Department didn’t respond to a request for comment.

(If you’re feeling exceptionally waggish, you may note that Trump could be choosing his own method of execution for his numerous crimes against humanity … but you’d be getting way ahead of yourself.)

Yes, the real pressing problem in this country right now is a lack of firing squads. Say, maybe Trump could just sentence federal offenders to death by COVID. All he has to do is wait and it will all sort itself out naturally.

Of course, other changes being considered appear to be designed simply to keep assholes rich and everyone else coughing up a La Brea Tar Pit’s worth of particulate matter at least thrice a fortnight:

Other less dramatic-sounding rules could prove harder to unravel and have broader consequences. In particular, the Environmental Protection Agency is on the cusp of finalizing several rules that would make it harder to justify pollution restrictions or lock in soot levels for at least five years. The agency wants to keep the soot standard unchanged over the objections of independent scientific advisers and despite emerging evidence that links particulate pollution to additional coronavirus deaths.

And as if to prove that Trump can’t find a spare minute to govern responsibly but has infinite time to golf and be a prick, we have this …

The White House is close to completing several rules that would extend Trump’s record of restricting immigration and make the changes harder for the Biden administration to reverse. The pending rules would make it more difficult to claim asylum by excluding people with criminal convictions (even those that have been expunged), drastically shortening the application time and giving immigration judges more latitude to pick and choose what evidence to consider. The departments of Justice and Homeland Security didn’t respond to requests for comment.

So there you go. An asshole to the end.

What did you expect, really?

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

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