Americans’ appetite for pusillanimous silver-spoon ninnies being as insatiable as it is, Tucker Carlson’s Fox News show is surprisingly highly rated. In fact, back in October, it actually bested The Masked Singer, a Fox television network show that I’ve never seen but which I can only assume was created as part of Bill O’Reilly’s severance package so he could grope producers backstage while claiming his blotchy, sallow, oversized cranium is really just a big novelty San Diego Chicken head.
The point is, Tucker Carlson brings in millions of viewers every night.
Which is where MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell comes in. He was recently banned from Twitter simply because he refused to accept reality and wanted the former president of the United States to end our 244-year-old democracy via martial law.
You know, regular seditionist stuff. What’s the big deal, really?
And now this cruelly and unjustly censored tribune of the people is going to take his freshly muzzled mug over to, you know, the aforementioned highly rated Fox News show.
Never mind that Lindell tried to smother our democracy in its sleep with a Tempur-Pedic pillow because his MyPillow was far too low-quality to get the job done. He’s not going down without a fight!
Speak truth to power, Mike. And if that’s not possible, you can always speak nonsense to Tucker Carlson. You won’t be the first, that much is certain.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.