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MyPillow guy reassures D.C. deludenoids: 'Donald Trump was picked for eight years by God, not four'

3 min read

I’ve seen clips of Trumpies insisting they’ll be at Donald Trump’s inauguration on January 20, 2021. They’ve already booked their rooms and everything! Come on! Of course he can still win! It’s predestined!

So here’s MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, who looks like the Muppet version of Alex Karras and is also convinced oleander extract cures COVID, appearing to claim that all the evidence we’ll see tomorrow will finally convince godless liberals everywhere to crown Donald Trump king for another four years. At least!

(Second tweet)

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LINDELL: “And what’s gonna happen now, like I say with the miracle that we’re in of all time, is, had that not happened on election night, they’ve been boiling us like a frog for years, and we’ve done nothing about it, stand back, they take a little bit of our freedoms all the time, and this is what would have happened if we would have had that miracle, that they misjudged this great president, this great country. Because right now, God’s got his hand in all of this, and tomorrow I want everyone, you need to pray for our vice president to look up to God and say, ‘I need to make a decision, Lord, and to make the right decision for our great country.’ I can tell you this, anyone who says, ‘Oh, there’ll be a civil war,’ no there’s not, because I’ll tell ya, I’ve seen the evidence, I know what’s there. Once it’s shown … tomorrow they’re gonna look at just some of it, okay, but when they see even some of it, they’re gonna go, ‘Wow.’ Even if you’re over here on the left politically wise, you’re gonna look at it and say, ‘You know what, I don’t really like Donald Trump, but he really did win,’ okay? And you don’t have a war when the other side didn’t win anything. You’re not taking any from them, they were trying to steal it from us. You know. And right now I’m telling everyone in this country, you have to 100 percent believe me when I tell you, Donald Trump was picked for eight years by God, not four.”

Gee, you’d think the omnipotent god of the universe could convince Brad Raffensperger to find a measly 11,780 votes. But no such luck. Guess He must be busy assisting an undemocratic putsch somewhere in the Andromeda Galaxy.

What’s gonna happen when the cult members wake up on January 21 and Joe Biden is president? Is this like what happens with apocalyptic cults? Do they just move the goalposts a few times until their prophesies appear fulfilled? Or will there be a collective freakout the likes of which no one has ever seen before?

I really don’t know, but it will sure be interesting to see how weird this gets.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

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