To: Donald Trump Jr
Get to know who your friends are, moron!
You can always tell when the Duffer in Chief misses a 6″ putt on the 11th green at Bedminster, he goes straight to Twitter, and starts beheading caddies. God knows his handicap is more important than the national debt. Let's take a look at today's main course of hysteria, and put it in plain English on the other side.
Which succulent piece of fruit to munch on first from this cornucopia of stupid first? How about this? Trump didn't just throw his Satan's spawn under the bus, he backed up for another pass at him. Trump admitted that Donnie Redux met with the Russians specifically for the purpose of getting dirt on Hillary, which we already knew, but it does kind of make Baby Donnie look like a nebbish for telling congress that the only purpose of the meeting was to discuss Russian adoption. Can you say “lying to congress” boys and girls? I'm so glad that Pater only has his sons best interests at heart!
Then His Lowness says that getting dirt on opponents from a foreign, adversarial power is done all of the time. Right. Because we're still reading daily articles about how Chelsea Clinton and John Podesta met with Azerbaijani intelligence officers who told them how Ivanka Trump trashed her room like a rock band when she went over to Baku to bribe the ruling family to get another Trump schlock palace built in Baku. And let's not forget about the GOP congressional candidate in 2016 that went bowing and scraping to Guccifer 2.0 for dirt on his opponent. (hint, hint)
But think about that last part for a second, because in it, by asserting that political campaigns collude with foreign powers for slander on opponents all the time, Trump just torpedoed his own logic. Trump spent months first denying the meeting, and then trying to cover it up by saying they only talked about Russian adoption, which means the Magnitsky act, standing Russian sanctions in force by law. But if everybody goes to Vlad the Imp for a bucket of shit to dump over their opponents head, why try to cover it up? You just come out a d say, “Yeah, so? The Russians offered us dirt on Hillary, so we went in hoping to see their hole card. Hell, everybody does it.” The last time I checked, “consciousness of guilt” was still a second down call in the prosecutors playbook.
At this point, Robert Mueller really doesn't need a powwow with Trump, and actually may be better off without one. Anybody who has raised kids knows that if you think they've done something wrong, you don't even need to accuse them of the act. You get them in front of you, hit them with the “shit just got real” look, say “Is there anything you'd like to tell me?”, and wait for the kid to magically turn 15 minutes in the corner into 30 minutes in the corner. This is where Robert Mueller is with the Toddler in Chief right now. All he has to do is to hint at a direction in the probe, and then sit back and watch Trump throw himself onto a pile of thumb tacks. I'm pretty sure that Bob Mueller has a designated “Special Master of tweets.” If Mueller simply puts Trump's own words out there to indict him, he forces Trump to defend himself, in which case Mueller can slice up Trump's lame ass excuses and explanations like a sushi chef. And because Trump only likes to speak to the grubby masses “unfiltered,” through Twitter, Ghouiani and Flood won't even be able to give his excuses a patina of sanity.
But, because there are always 2nd and 3rd ring acts going on in the Trump circus, let's get you caught up on another couple of amusing things that occurred today. It turns out that Der Gropinfuror isn't the only one trying to cause pedestrian vs mass transit vehicle fatalities today. His lawyer, Jay Suckulow, went on the morning shows and tried doing a little curb blocking himself, only the one he was trying to nudge into the street was none other than Glorious Bleater himself. In being grilled on his apparent lies to the American public about the intent of the now infamous Trump Tower meeting, Suckulow responded with something like, “As a lawyer, I can only comment on a subject with the best information I have on hand at the time. That's what I did, and it turns out I got that one wrong.” Laymans translation, “Hey, don't blame me, blame the client! Fucker lies like a $10 Persian rug!” Apparently, unlike his idiot co-counsel Rudy Ghouliani, Sekulow hopes to still have a legal career when this slow motion train wreck is over, even if it's only arguing citations in traffic court.
And, as Katy Tur likes to say on MSNBC, “One last thing before we go.” FOX News had a GOP consultant, who apparently specializes in running library board races in Cowflop, KS on today, discussing the Ohio special election on Tuesday. And this is the verbal turd he dropped on the dinner plate, “Tuesday's special election in Ohio is not going to be a referendum on Trump, it's going to be a referendum on who can best get their base turned out.” Really? You honestly believe that shit? Well, “Mr-I-put-on-mismatched-socks-in-the- morning,” let me ask you a simple question. Do you really, honestly believe that this safe bet GOP district would be anything but a slam dunk for the GOP if we had a President Rubio, or a President Kasich? Every single district this year is going to be a referendum on Donald Trump, hell, Trump himself just said in the rally that that's the way he wants it! Which is why most sane Republican candidates, you know, the ones who won't hire you, are desperately trying to shake Trump's hand with surgical gloves on, and then burning them in the hibachi the minute Droolius Geezer gets back on Air Force One! Gimme a break.
And think, that was just the really low hanging stupid fruit I found today! Who knows what new idiocy I'll have to choose from tomorrow. God, I sure hope that Trump is true to his word for once, and gets out on the campaign trail six days a week for the rest of the cycle. Life is good.
The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.
Cross posted on Politizoom.com