Honestly, I’d be surprised if Donald Trump didn’t want a North Korea-style military parade at the heart of his inauguration — complete with goose-stepping, FFS! — but that doesn’t mean it’s not jarring to see it in print. I mean, what’s next? Will he announce a cabinet-level Department of Eugenics? 

Ugh. The fucknuttery. So, so nutty and nougaty and fuckbuttery.

Or whatever. I may have sampled just a wee bit o’ weed. Plus, the dogs. Oh, how they bark.

Anyway, more revelations from ex-Melania friend Stephanie Winston Wolkoff’s tell-all, Melania and Me.


— Donald Trump wanted his inauguration to look like a North Korean military parade. When discussing the parade with Winston Wolkoff and Ivanka during the transition, Trump said: “I want tanks and choppers. Make it look like North Korea,” he told them. Winston Wolkoff wrote: “He really wanted goose-stepping troops and armored tanks? That would break tradition and terrify half the country.”

On the one hand, this is fucking horrifying, but on the other, it would have better set the tone for the actual nightmares ahead.

Oh, and some of the inauguration plans were wacky … and not terribly redolent of Donald Trump:

Another idea that was briefly considered: the “Ivanka Trump/Leo DiCaprio Environmental Ball” that was going to be held at the National Portrait Gallery. “Give me a break!” Melania said about the proposed event, which never went anywhere. 

Also horrifying … but for completely different reasons:

Melania’s team considered and then rejected a variety of names for her major initiative, which is aimed at helping children develop healthy habits. “Children First,” “Shield Your Children,” “Be a Cyber Buddy,” “Protect Your Children” and “Speak Up” were among the names that were floated internally but cast aside, although not before Winston Wolkoff bought domain names for them and others on GoDaddy with her own money.

The initiative eventually became “Be Best,” which Melania came up with herself, although Winston Wolkoff told her that the “phrase sounded illiterate” and should instead be “Be the Best” or “Be Your Best.” “No,” Winston Wolkoff writes. “Melania, lover of Sharpies, drew the two-word logo with block letters and said, ‘I drew it myself, so no one say I plagiarized it,” a likely reference to how Melania’s 2016 convention speech had plagiarized some of what Michelle Obama had said at a previous Democratic convention.

And the pièce de résistance!

Winston Wolkoff, a longtime Manhattan fashion and society party planner, was heavily involved in the planning of the president’s inauguration before leaving the White House in Feb. 2018 after negative reporting about her inauguration role appeared in the New York Times. In her book, she describes how Melania didn’t want to move to the White House right away in part because she didn’t want to have to use the same shower and toilet as former First Lady Michelle Obama and was waiting for the bathroom to be renovated.

These are horrible, horrible people. Full stop. They gotta go.

Let’s 86 ‘em together.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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