Steve “Mental Munchkin” Mnuchin was on ABC’s This Week this morning to spin Donald Trump’s Vesuvian larynx sharts into fairy dust and gold.

The main points he wants you to remember: 1) Donald Trump shut down travel early (which makes virtually no difference now, but whatever) and 2) Donald Trump didn’t lie. Your ears lied. Check your fucking ears, peasant!


JONATHAN KARL: The market, and not just the market, also reacted severely negatively to the Oval Office address. Can you help me understand what happened there? The president said several things. He said that cargo would be banned coming in from Europe. He failed to mention that American citizens would not be subject to the ban. He said that insurance companies were going to cover all costs associated to treatment of the coronavirus. These were all false statements. How, in an Oval Office address, do statements about the president’s own proposals end up being wrong?

MNUCHIN: Well, let me just first comment on your reaction to the stock market, because the stock market is going to go up, it’s going to go down. We can’t focus on every day, the move. As it relates to the Oval Office address, the president was very clear. He wanted to address a very important point, which was he made the move to shut down travel so that we shut down more cases coming in. He wanted to reassure the American public. I don’t think in an Oval Office address you can address every single issue as you’re discussing it …

KARL: Why does he get things wrong about his own proposals?

MNUCHIN: I don’t think he got things wrong at all.

KARL: I mean, cargo’s not banned.

MNUCHIN: And we were very clear that people misinterpreted the comment on cargo, and we immediately put out a statement to clarify that. And the president said this is similar to China, and in China cargo’s not banned.

Okay, I can’t let this part go: “The stock market is going to go up, it’s going to go down. We can’t focus on every day, the move.”


— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 14, 2020

So, moving on now.

People misinterpreted the comment? What kind of arse-whistling Orwellian horseshit is that? No, they interpreted it perfectly well — because Donald Trump said it as clearly as Donald Trump can say anything with a McNugget sauce clot in his brain. Tell the truth for once, you gaslighting ghoul.

Face it, we have a gormless circus peanut squatting in the Oval Office, and that fact has never been more frightening.

Now go out and lick as many elderly people’s heads as you possibly can — and by that I obviously meant “wash your hands.” Don’t fucking misinterpret me, you smelly plebes!

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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