Last updated on January 21, 2021
There’s a huge, grim, sprawling crisis unfolding right now in the U.S. And by that I mean, Donald Trump may not get the warm sendoff he’d hoped for.
But while Trump has been laser-focused on the issues Americans most care about, like garroting democracy, destroying Mike Pence’s life, and pretending he’s never lost an election (or anything else, for that matter), some deludenoids probably think the most pressing crisis currently facing us is still the coronavirus.
And while the people behind Operation Warp Speed did a great job of coming up with a cool nickname while Pfizer developed the first FDA-approved COVID vaccine without any help from the United States, they’re zero-degree Kelvin shite when it comes to distributing the vaccine.
And, oh gee, people are noticing.
Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz says he’s “not sleeping” because he worries the state will fall short of coronavirus vaccine after he learned this week a stockpile of second doses supposedly held in reserve by the federal government doesn’t exist.
“Where did they go?” Walz asked at a Friday news conference. “Who’s going to be prosecuted for this?”
Earlier this week, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced it would ship out to states all doses of vaccine held in reserve for the required second doses. The Washington Post was the first to report Friday those reserves didn’t exist.
Who’s gonna be prosecuted? Who knows? But I know who Republicans will blame for every vaccine-related glitch at, erm, 1 p.m. on January 20.
“They told us, do not plan for your second doses. We are holding them in a warehouse in reserve and we will send them to you,” Walz said.
“They were lying,” Walz continued. “They don’t have any doses held back. There is not strategic supply for second doses.”
“It is not debatable that the United States did this more poorly than any nation on earth,” the Democratic governor said, characterizing the Trump administration’s response [as] botched. “We will continue to do what we have to do — clean up the mess that the federal government leaves us with.”
Say, remember back in the summer when Donald Trump basically said the governors were on their own when it came to sourcing PPE? That’s what we writers call “foreshadowing.” And as fun as it might be to watch Brian Kemp and Ron DeSantis get in a knife fight over a morphine lollipop, it was a shit way to respond to a serious fucking problem. The government’s response at the time was the functional equivalent of trapping ants in a jar and shaking them until they fight.
And now? Yeah, the one vaccine-related thing the federal government was actually in charge of—distribution—is, to the surprise of exactly no one who has ever seen Donald Trump or heard him speak, fucked up beyond all recognition.
So here we are, desperately trying to wind down this pandemic, and the guy “in charge” is more interested in Sidney Powell’s fever dreams than, you know, paying attention to shit.
Five days! Five fucking days!
Rouse all the people who voluntarily put themselves into comas four years ago. The wakening is nigh! And they won’t fucking believe it, will they?
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