So this morning, Melania Trump helpfully pointed out to all us plebs who the real victim of the assault on the Capitol is: Melania Trump.

That’s no surprise. Trumps are always victims—of the whiniest sort. If Donald Trump ever sincerely took responsibility for anything, I’d start checking random D.C. basements for alien pods.

Here’s an excerpt from Melania’s loving statement about how we all need to move on from the violent insurrection her husband incited:

I am disappointed and disheartened with what happened last week. I find it shameful that surrounding these tragic events there has been salacious gossip, unwarranted personal attacks, and false misleading accusations on me – from people who are looking to be relevant and have an agenda. This time is solely about healing our country and its citizens. It should not be used for personal gain.

Jesus Jackfruit Christ, woman. Read the fucking room. 

So at first I didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. I hadn’t heard any “gossip” about Melania, unless her husband being (quite accurately) called a traitor and a disgrace to our country is tantamount to “gossip.”

Then I saw this recent Daily Beast column from Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, Melania’s ex-friend and employee and the author of Melania and Me: The Rise and Fall of My Friendship with the First Lady.

Sure, five people are dead as a direct result of this maladministration’s reckless actions and rhetoric, but let’s focus on the real problem: Natasha Antoinette feels aggrieved.

To be fair, Wolkoff was pretty harsh. But she spoke from the heart.

Some excerpts:

Every single MAGA mob rioter who stormed the U.S. Capitol did so “at the direction of, and in coordination with” President Trump, and it was an assault on human life and our great democracy. Unfortunately, our president and first lady have little, if any, regard for either.

Why is it that everyone who truly knows them and who isn’t clogged to the gills with feculent Trump DNA thinks the Trumps are amoral ghouls? (Well, Rudy Giuliani doesn’t, but his brain is a glitchy fondue pot at this point.)

Everyone around them has stoked and massaged their egos and wittingly agreed to the falsehoods and poisonous lies, veiled as truths, that built this house of mirrors. I take responsibility for being Melania’s enabler, and her using me became the basis of our friendship. I can’t believe how blind I was to the depth of her deception and lack of common decency.

I wish I could say I was shocked by President Trump's actions, but sadly I can not, or say I don’t comprehend Melania’s silence and inactions, but pathetically, they are both expected. Melania knows how to “Be Best” at standing up and reading from a teleprompter and not from the heart. She and her husband lack character, and have no moral compass. Although my intentions to support the first lady in the rollout of her initiatives were always pure, I’m disheartened and ashamed to have worked with Melania.

Do we need to launch a support group for people who were close to the Trumps before belatedly seeing the light? Personally, if I had their work history I’d be browsing Amazon for home lobotomy kits.

Melania is no better than Donald is in terms of needing attention. She wasted a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create a platform to make a difference in the lives of so many children and didn’t provide any of that. She was just there as an extension of Donald, used to “soften” his image, highlight his showmanship, and smile for the cameras. In her free time she took up “albuming” and made scrapbooks filled with photographs of herself. Melania is simply an extension of her husband, just as hypocritical, speaking out of both sides of her mouth, when it suits her best.

I admit that I was fooled early on in this administration. I imagined Melania as a woebegone Rapunzel helplessly trapped in Donald’s gilded tower. But, no. She’s more like a vestigial twin who nourishes itself on the black, phlegmatic blood of its host.

What does a mother do when a father is an abuser? Many still believe that Melania is powerless, but don’t be fooled; she is an abuser too, of the worst kind. The kind that speaks kindly to children. The sickness is under the skin. Melania knows and supports Donald and his viewpoints. If you hit him, he’ll hit you back harder. He’s the brass knuckles, aggressive guy, and she elects to grin and bear it. She turns a blind eye. The truth is she’s actually encouraging him to go for it. Be aggressive. She’s his biggest cheerleader. Well, he should pay a price. No one is above the law.

Amen, Stephanie.

And while it’s sad that it took you as long as it did to see the light, well, you saw it. And more and more people are joining you, because you simply can’t Febreze evil. Eventually it gets exposed.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

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