Mar-a-Lago has been 'partially closed,' and you'll never guess why

It’s Schaden-Friday, folks! Spin the wheel of GOP absurdities! Where oh where will it land?

Oh, I know! How about “Donald Trump’s post-POTUS retreat is awash in COVID!”

For fuck’s sake, Trump is like Pig-Pen from Peanuts, only it’s not a dust cloud following him everywhere he goes—it’s pestilence.


Former President Donald Trump’s Palm Beach club has been partially closed because of a COVID outbreak.

That’s according to several people familiar with the situation, including a club member who received a phone call about the closure Friday. A receptionist at the Mar-a-Lago club confirmed the news, saying it was closed until further notice, but declined to comment further.

A person familiar with club operations said that, out of an abundance of caution, the club had partially closed a section “for a short period of time” and quarantined some of its workers.

You mean the guy who hardly ever wore a mask, didn’t socially distance, sneered at CDC guidance, got into a pissing match with the nation’s preeminent infectious disease expert, held numerous potential superspreader rallies, did everything he possibly could to ensure he got COVID, got COVID, and then endangered his Secret Service detail by wheeling around in his hermetically sealed limo so he could wave at gin-soaked troglodytes outside the hospital? That guy’s club is lousy with COVID?

You don’t say. 

You know, maybe local health officials should shut it down permanently. It’s like a vampire nest full of languid COVID bats. Would they let a literal vampire nest stay in business? No, and this place is arguably more dangerous. 

Let’s just fast-forward to the part where Trump slaps Kleenex boxes on his feet and starts sorting his urine jars based on how much joy each one brings him. Eventually he’ll be shuffling around a vacant Mar-a-Lago muttering to himself anyway. Let’s get on with it already.

Oh, Schaden-Friday, what ever would I do without you?

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.”  Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

  • March 19, 2021
Available for Amazon Prime