Louie Gohmert thinks he may have gotten COVID from wearing a mask


By now you’ve heard the superschadenfreudeisticexpialidocious news that GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert has contracted COVID-19.

A positive coronavirus diagnosis would be chastening for most people — a reason to pause and reflect. But not for the dumbest man in Congress. According to KETK-TV in Texas, he’s determined to stay a maskhole until the day he dies. Which could be soon, I suppose … so let’s send some spare thoughts and prayers his way.

“I can’t help but wonder if by keeping a mask on and keeping it in place, if I might have put some … of the virus onto the mask and breathed it in,” Gohmert told KETK-TV. “But the reports of my demise are very premature.”

And I can’t help but wonder if Louie Gohmert’s head is filled with pink fiberglass insulation. But then I’m not a scientist, am I?

Oh, and Gohmert still believes in your right to scatter your freedom phlegm in the public square: “If somebody feels strongly about everybody should wear a mask, then they shouldn’t be around people that don’t wear masks.”

Okay, then.

Glad to see Republicans are standing up for … well, not freedom exactly. Not sure what you would call this. Rank stupidity and mass extinction? Yeah, that’s closer.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

  • July 29, 2020