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Lindsey whines about finances, outlines horrible future where Congress fairly represents the people

3 min read

Doing his best Droopy Dog on indica brownies impression, Lindsey Graham appeared on Sean Hannity’s Fox unreality show last night to whine about a future dystopian America where the people actually elect the president, Democrats change the rules to counter Republicans’ brazen and arbitrary rule-changing, and a U.S. territory with more people than 20 current states actually gets congressional representation.



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GRAHAM: “Name one liberal justice nominated by a Democrat that had their life ruined. They’re talking about changing the Electoral College. If they keep the House, the Senate, and the White House, this country will change fundamentally. The Electoral College will be obliterated, we’ll go to popular vote. D.C. and Puerto Rico will become states, there will be 104 senators. It goes on and on and on. There will be additional members of the Supreme Court, they will all be liberal. They’re going to take the process, the rules, and change them to their benefit. Now, the only thing stopping them is you the voter. If you want to help me and other Republicans, get into the game. They’re killing us financially. I’m in South Carolina, not exactly a liberal state. My opponent is going to raise $80 billion [sic]. I need conservatives to help me. You need to help us all.”

  1. Was Brett Kavanaugh’s life really ruined? He’s on the Supreme Court, and all he had to do to get there was lie and scream a lot.
  2. Oh noes! The country will change fundamentally! Tell us how, Lindsey Graham!
  3. The District of Columbia’s population is higher than that of both Wyoming and Vermont. Why does lily-white Wyoming get two senators while D.C. gets zero congressional representation? Ditto for Puerto Rico, which has a higher population than Wyoming, Alaska, North Dakota, and South Dakota combined. For that matter, why does California, which has 68 times Wyoming’s population, have the same clout in the Senate as that reliably red state?
  4. Think there might be a reason why they’re killing you financially, you Tom Bombadil-looking motherfucker? We’re fucking pissed that the only reason you ever peek your wee Punxsutawney Phil melon out of Donald Trump’s rectum is to do and/or say something horrible and/or egregiously hypocritical.

Don’t worry, Lindsey. You still have a decent shot at being reelected. And if you are, you’ll have a front-row seat for all the nasty, inclusive, fair and democratic things the opposition party is poised to do.

Now bugger off.

(Oh, and if you want to amplify Lindsey’s fit of pique, you can do his opponent Jaime Harrison a solid by donating here. Harrison has better than a puncher’s chance, after all.)

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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