This is the best news I’ve heard since the Trumpian coronavirus shitshow started. (Question for lexicographers: Is shitshow one word, two words, or hyphenated? I’m really going to need to know this going forward. I plan to use it a lot, and for some reason my AP Stylebook isn’t giving me any guidance.)

Business Insider:

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer secured an agreement in the $2 trillion federal coronavirus stimulus package that would bar businesses owned by President Donald Trump, his family, top US officials, and members of Congress from receiving money from the fund.

An aide to Schumer told Reuters that under the proviso, businesses owned by Vice President Mike Pence and heads of executive-branch departments would also be barred from receiving loans or investments under the Treasury Department programs.

Bwahahahahaha!

Trump is going to lose his fucking mind over this. Just a few days ago, he wouldn’t rule out taking bailout money. Does anyone really think he wouldn’t have?

Remember, this is the same guy who’s been raking in money from the Secret Service, which is forced to watch over him at his properties while he cheats at golf. And remember when a U.S. Air Force crew refueled near Trump’s Turnberry resort on its way to and from Kuwait for still-unexplained and totally “mysterious” reasons? And then stayed at the resort? 

Yeah, Trump would have taken bailout money.

But now he can’t.

And that makes me so, so happy.

Thank you, Sen. Schumer. This is a small, fleeting ray of sunshine in an otherwise darkening world.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.