Lauren Boebert tweets one of the weirdest Easter messages you'll ever see

He is risen! Suck on a hyssop stick, haters and losers!

I’m not quite sure what’s going on here. Is she plugging the King of Kings’ uncensored comedy podcast, or are they finally letting Yeshua bar Yosef compete on cooking shows, even though he keeps using his loaves-and-fishes powers to fuck up everyone else’s panko-crusted salmon cakes?

Presumably Lauren Boebert is a Christian and isn’t actively trying to profane a holy day here, but, honestly, you could have fooled me.

For the nontweeters: “Jesus, uncanceled!”

Okay, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to church, but it seems to me that tossing Jesus Christ in the same basket as Mr. Potato Head and McElligot’s Pool is at the very least sacrilege-adjacent.

And, as you likely guessed, Twitter had a field day:

Obviously, no one is canceling Jesus. If they were, Christmas would be canceled, too, and I’d never have any excuse to eat kringle. And that would suck for me. So we can keep Jesus, and Lauren can keep Jesus, as long as we respect and maintain the separation of church and state.

Because you know deep down in your heart, that’s the one wall that folks like Lauren Boebert really object to.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the holiday.

And Happy Passover, Ramadan, and/or Sunday to everyone else.

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  • April 4, 2021