Last updated on April 9, 2021
He is risen! Suck on a hyssop stick, haters and losers!
I’m not quite sure what’s going on here. Is she plugging the King of Kings’ uncensored comedy podcast, or are they finally letting Yeshua bar Yosef compete on cooking shows, even though he keeps using his loaves-and-fishes powers to fuck up everyone else’s panko-crusted salmon cakes?
Presumably Lauren Boebert is a Christian and isn’t actively trying to profane a holy day here, but, honestly, you could have fooled me.
— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) April 4, 2021
For the nontweeters: “Jesus, uncanceled!”
Okay, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to church, but it seems to me that tossing Jesus Christ in the same basket as Mr. Potato Head and McElligot’s Pool is at the very least sacrilege-adjacent.
And, as you likely guessed, Twitter had a field day:
My Jesus was never cancelled. Now if we can cancel high capacity magazines, rapid fire weapons made for war, attacks against Asians, Blacks, immigrants, suppression of voting rights, etc., that would be great.
— Marti Biegler (@marti_biegler) April 4, 2021
This is a day when we reflect on which assault rifle Jesus would prefer,how he would drive the immigrants from His sight and condemn the poor and unsheltered while ministering to the rich.
Let us celebrate capital punishment which was his reward for defying established religion.
— Mark Lee (@rexdark) April 4, 2021
Oh never mind.
You’re not worth the energy, Klannie Oakley. pic.twitter.com/6RFdpDa9OK
— Jo (@JoJoFromJerz) April 4, 2021
Jesus is about charity.
Jesus is about honesty.
Jesus is about healing the sick.
Jesus is about feeding the poor.
Jesus is about loving the stranger.
Jesus is about justice
Jesus is about morality
Jesus is about serving others.
Jesus is about love.
YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE of Jesus. pic.twitter.com/cIPI3sSL8K
— David Bruce (@DavyBruce09) April 4, 2021
Is “canceled” when the entire system by which we record time revolves around your fucking birthday?
— Jared Lipof (@jaredlipof) April 4, 2021
Obviously, no one is canceling Jesus. If they were, Christmas would be canceled, too, and I’d never have any excuse to eat kringle. And that would suck for me. So we can keep Jesus, and Lauren can keep Jesus, as long as we respect and maintain the separation of church and state.
Because you know deep down in your heart, that’s the one wall that folks like Lauren Boebert really object to.
Happy Easter to all who celebrate the holiday.
And Happy Passover, Ramadan, and/or Sunday to everyone else.
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!
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