I would have to search long and hard to find something about Donald Trump that I’m jealous of. Sure, he’s pr*sident of the United States, but frankly I’d rather work at Arby’s than have that job. In the past I would have justified that by saying working at Arby’s requires a lot less effort — but, hey, apparently not. In fact, Trump would have likely been fired from Arby’s on day one after spending half his shift on the toilet tweeting about how much better he is at making curly fries than Barack Obama.
But, sure, let’s all pretend that Emmanuel Macron and Justin Trudeau are really, really jealous of the guy who sounds like an elderly hyena choking on an antelope’s penis bone and looks like Claymation vomit. Because that’s believable, right?
CONWAY: “At least president Trump is honest when he’s calling out a foreign leader and the way he feels about them not paying their defense dues to NATO, which has been a problem in Canada and with some other allies, not being on the right side of a reciprocal trade deal with this country. And I thought it was a very childish, churlish exchange. But they were hardly denouncing the president’s policies, they were hardly denouncing him. People looked at this as they usually do on social media with outsized attention. ‘Oh, my God. Look what they’re doing’ What was it really about? It was about the fact that President Trump commands a room, and he does. And maybe that makes a couple of people jealous.”
- Donald Trump is never, ever honest.
- Canada is not behind on any NATO “dues.”
- We don’t have a trade deficit with Canada, and the country is a crucial trading partner that we need to stay on friendly terms with.
- I can’t imagine why Justin Trudeau of all people would ever be jealous of Donald Trump. It’s simply not possible.
So, yeah, more gaslighting and pants-shitting cray-cray.
But we’re used to that by now — especially from Barbie Riefenstahl.
Yo! Pennyfarthing’s Trump-trashing series is now a trilogy! Grab your copy of Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing. It’s hot off the presses! And, of course, Dear F*cking Lunatic and Dear F*cking Moron are still selling like lukewarm-cakes, so get yours now. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” diversions from our temporary hell on Earth.