Okay, I’ve been sporadically watching the impeachment trial today. Sporadically, because watching the trial isn’t literally my job. I had other pressing matters to attend to as well.
But this is Josh Hawley’s job, at least for the moment—and, well, he doesn’t seem too interested in doing it.
You remember Josh, of course. He helped get this big plastic seditious-hamster ball rolling when he became the first U.S. senator to announce he would object to the certification of the Electoral College vote on January 6.
I don’t know about you, but if I’d done that, I’d be horrified right now. I might even wear sackcloth and ashes. Or a hair shirt. Assuming I could find those items at Goodwill, because no way am I paying through the nose for a Tommy Hilfiger designer hair shirt. It’s just not worth it. Old Navy makes a fine hair shirt that any American would be proud to wear—assuming they’re not Josh Hawley.
You see, Josh is special. He knows that being a Republican means never having to say you’re sorry. So earlier today he was chillin’ in the chamber as House managers presented the grisly details of the insurrection for which Hawley so eagerly greased the skids.
— Ben Rhodes (@brhodes) February 10, 2021
— Chip Franklin InsideTheBeltway.com (@chipfranklin) February 10, 2021
Any guesses as to what Josh is reading? I hope it’s “Goofus and Gallant,” because God knows he could learn some manners. (In case you’re wondering, Josh, you are def Goofus.)
Also, get your fucking feet off the table. You’re not this guy, FFS:
Though, to be honest, there’s at best a tiny sliver of daylight between you two kindred spirits.
Enjoy the rest of the trial, Josh. Or the parts you manage to see through your wearied, bloodshot eyes, anyway.
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — BETTE MIDLER on author ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING, via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.