Last updated on December 28, 2020
David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler thought they had a fig leaf all ready to go—one that would help them pretend they desperately want to deliver COVID relief to their fellow Georgians. Yeah, thanks to time-honored Republican tightwaddery, it was a mere $600. But, hey, that was more than enough for Perdue to swaddle himself in a sort of mealy compassion-like substance. And packaged into a deeply misleading campaign ad, those meager six bills probably would have been enough to swing some voters to his cause—which, of course, amounts to little more than fucking them sideways for another six years.
But then Donald Trump happened.
He’s like the gremlin on the wing in that classic Twilight Zone episode. He doesn’t care about landing safely so much as murdering people’s minds and ripping essential wiring out of the aircraft. In fact, the only difference between Trump and the fired ex-employee who comes back to shoot up his former workplace is that Trump is going to end up killing exponentially more people.
Trump’s refusal to either sign the recently passed $900 billion COVID relief bill or immediately veto it has left Perdue in a terrible bind, and his opponent, Democrat Jon Ossoff, has noticed.
Perdue has not even responded to the President's call for increased checks, despite repeated inquiries to his campaign and official office. Now Ossoff is attempting to pressure the senator to take a stand. On Saturday, Ossoff's campaign sent a letter to Atlanta TV stations calling on them to take down Perdue's ad touting the passage of the relief bill. The Ossoff campaign argued that Perdue claiming he “delivered relief” was “indisputably false” since Trump hasn't signed the legislation. The Democrat said he supported the bill, but even before Trump's call for an increase to $2,000 payments, he called the $600 figure a “joke.”
Here’s the ad:
Of course, this ad is bullshit from start to finish. Democrats have consistently lobbied for more generous COVID relief, and Senate Republicans, taking their cue from Yertle the Disgraceful Fuckface, have consistently stood in the way. (Again, House Democrats passed the HEROES Act—a $3 trillion relief package—in FUCKING MAY.)
But the ad is more than just carefully confected bullshit now. It’s patently false, because instead of being a team player, Donald Trump decided to go full Leeroy Jenkins. And now Perdue’s ad is just a flat-out lie.
Poor guy. It’s always a shame when your fake compassion is exposed by a malevolent death imp. But they’ve all debased themselves to stay in Trump’s good graces, and so when Trump shoves a lit Sterno can up their quisling arse-cracks and runs away laughing—well, that’s just karma, isn’t it?
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!
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