The Cleveland Plain Dealer recently bemoaned the encroachment of Gym Jordan’s jock sweat on the city of Cleveland. His presence there was the result of a “hideously gerrymandered” district that was created prior to the 2012 election, and his constituents there are presumably beside themselves with revulsion.

And now the man whom the newspaper calls the “second most contemptible human being in the entire U.S. government” (uh, Moscow Mitch McConnell, anyone?) has exposed his smug, evil-gremlin face to the klieg lights of the House impeachment hearings — and that face will remain burned into our collective consciousness until we embrace the sweet release of death in order to bask in the Elysian glow of a world without assholes. And I’m not talking about Buffalo Wild Wings during a Browns game.

Seriously, though. You can see it, right?

Needless to say, Brent Larkin, The Plain Dealer’s former editorial director, is not a Gym fan, as you’ll note from these (very) choice excerpts from his recent op-ed. After recounting allegations that Jordan ignored sexual abuse by a team doctor while serving as a wrestling coach at Ohio State, Larkin tells this, shall we say, super-gross story:

Jordan was appointed to the Intelligence Committee the same day, Nov. 8, that NBC reported on a lawsuit filed early this month in which a former wrestling referee alleges Strauss masturbated in front of him in the shower following an OSU wrestling match in 1994.

When the referee told Jordan what happened, he alleges that Jordan blew him off with, “Yeah, that’s Strauss.”

“Yeah, that’s Strauss”? Worst attempt at creating a sitcom catchphrase ever.

And, yes, Jordan knew. (Allegedly.) Which makes his faux outrage during the public impeachment hearings all the more cringe-inducing. And we’re not the only ones grossed out by him, apparently.

Michael Gerson’s credentials to analyze Jordan are impeccable. He is an evangelical Christian, lifelong Republican and onetime chief speechwriter to former President George W. Bush.

In his Washington Post column of Nov. 14, Gerson showed his keen understanding of Jordan, describing him as “the Truly Trumpian Man – guided by bigotry, seized by conspiracy theories, dismissive of facts and truth, indifferent to ethics, contemptuous of institutional norms and ruthlessly dedicated to the success of a demagogue.”


Thanks for the summary, but we know. Oh, do we ever.

Does Trump make you want to delete your brain? Of course he does! But don’t do it until you’ve read Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” diversions from our temporary hell on Earth. Don’t delay. Click those links, yo!

  • November 23, 2019