As far as I’m concerned, allowing Newsmax reporters into the White House briefing room is a little like High Times asking Mitt Romney to write a guest column on how to score weed at Burning Man, but then the Biden administration is nothing if not fair (Peter Doocy’s Vesuvian whining notwithstanding).

That said, Newsmax lives in another reality—one where Donald Trump won the election, Joe Biden is a Chinese communist operative, and Mike Lindell’s squishy, foam-filled monster head somehow wasn’t the prototype for his egregious MyPillows.

So that’s the context—and it’s also why we shouldn’t feel sorry for Newsmax’s John Gizzi when White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki takes him out like a ninja … as she did earlier today:

GIZZI: “The other thing on the infrastructure package, there is a private memo that’s being circulated in the business community and to some Republican senators that said that the $2.25 trillion price tag is $1 trillion off, and that there’s many things in there that were omitted in the initial discussion of the bill, notably the $300 billion energy tax credit, the $100 billion for the green bank, and that these things would add $1 trillion to it. This is being circulated on the Hill. Do you have any response to the charge that the president lowballed the price tag on the infrastructure bill?”

PSAKI: “Sounds mysterious, the memo. The secret memo. Is it, are you saying, just so I understand your question, are you saying there are things the president didn’t put in his proposal people think he’s going to add to his proposal?”

GIZZI: “No, there’s things there that somebody went through it or is claiming to have gone through it and added it up and came up with $1 trillion more than the president listed as the price tag, so it is actually $3.25 trillion as opposed to …”

PSAKI: “Well, we laid out very specifically each component of the package and how much we’re proposing, so I would encourage you all to get your calculators out and charge that up and see how it compares to the secret memo.”


Clearly, Psaki is someone who does not suffer fools gladly. Unfortunately, this fossil fool likely isn’t done assailing the reality-based community with his murky conspiracy whispers.

If there’s a memo, produce the fucking memo. And show your work. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Did he expect her to get a stricken look on her face before scurrying away from the podium, leaving a Jen Psaki-shaped dust cloud hanging in the air for the remainder of the session?

Advice to reporters: Do your homework, because your teacher ain’t playing around anymore. Enjoy your web of conspiracies if you must; just don’t expect the rest of us to walk into it.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via TwitterNeed a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

  • April 5, 2021