Ivanka plays dumb in sworn deposition; Michael Cohen and ex-Melania crony call her out

Donald John Ignatius Caligulard Trump has had a lot of coffee boys for someone who only drinks Diet Coke.

If you’re in the Trump orbit and that orbit begins to decay, well, you might as well be green cruciferous vegetables as far as DJT is concerned. He sure as shit won’t acknowledge you in public. Remember Felix Sater? Well, Donald Trump claims he doesn’t.

Having sprung from Donald Trump’s quaggy, pox-beleaguered loins, and having learned the art of bumblefuck evil from her sociopath of a father, Ivanka Trump appears to be following in her dad’s slime-steeped footprints, doing her best Sgt.-Schultz-in-haute-Reich-couture impression.

So Allen Weisselberg, who just became the target of a criminal tax investigation, has been a big Trump Org honcho since Vanky was sitting on her daddy’s lap. Granted, that could be as recently as last Wednesday during bath time, but that’s not the point. The fact is, he’s been the company’s CFO for decades, and even I knew that.

But Vanky? Oh, she’s not sure about much of anything, is she?

We begin our story with Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, the ex-Melania Trump crony who was thrown under the bus by the Trump crew over her work with the beached halibut-smelling Trump Presidential Inauguration Committee, and who later wrote an unflattering tell-all about her time with the notorious Mel T. (Check the second tweet. And the first, if you’re so inclined.)

For the nontweeters:

IVANKA Trump’s Deposition under SWORN TESTIMONY Q:”Who is Allen Weisselberg?A: ”I don’t know what his exact title is.” CORRECT ANSWER: Allen Weisselberg has been the Trump Organizations CFO and the Trump Family’s BOOKKEEPER since the 1970s. @MichaelCohen212

Ha ha ha ha ha! Okay, Ivanka. This is a little like me trying to claim I somehow didn’t receive a vigorous sponge bath and rhinestone nipple-bedazzling from Carrot Top in the Bellagio fountain in Vegas this past Good Friday, even though everyone on my OnlyFans site knows that’s obviously bullshit.

And, of course, former Trump lawyer, fixer, and coffee boy Michael Cohen had some thoughts as well:

For the nontweeters:

Donald taught @IvankaTrump well…I don’t know, I wasn’t there, Allen who?, it was someone else’s fault. Soon they will all answer for their own dirty deeds!

Two universal maxims that you’ll always be able to rely on are: 1) Trumps lie and 2) Trumps know you and love you only as long as you’re useful to them. Once you become a liability, you might as well be a blind, three-legged hunting dog. Or Eric.

I sure hope Cohen is right and that judgment cometh, and that right soon. Then again, if the schadenfreude keeps flowing like milk and honey, I’ll remain thoroughly entertained for the foreseeable future.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

  • May 23, 2021
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