This is what happens when you make a septic spleen president of the United States.
Donald Trump was reportedly so enraged at China after the country announced $75 billion in tariffs on U.S. goods back in August that he wanted to double existing tariffs on the country.
He also appears to have been surprised by China’s move, despite having personally precipitated the perpetual pud-punching contest that has seen China respond in kind every damn time.
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer then enlisted multiple CEOs to call the president and warn him about the impact such a move would have on the stock market and the economy.
He settled on a 5% hike in tariff rates on about $550 billion in Chinese products, which he announced in an Aug. 23 tweet after the market close.
Needless to say, the trade war isn’t working out as planned. And that might be because Trump still seems shocked every time China raises tariffs in response to our pointless tariffs. I mean, who could have ever anticipated that? I thought we’d just hold China down while we gave them a vigorous pink belly. That’s how it works in our most prestigious frat houses.
But, no. Trump appears to have singlehandedly stalled the global economy because — and I can’t stress this enough — HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE’S DOING.
And will he see the devastation he’s wrought and relent, knowing that further escalation of our trade war will only make things worse for our economy and everyone else’s?
If you believe that, you don’t know Donald Trump.
Hear that, voters? If you re-elect Donald Trump, he’s going to take this smoldering garbage fire of an economic policy and douse it with kerosene.
What could possibly go wrong? Yeah, more of this brilliant tactic. Please!
Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.