In screaming rant, Rudy tells reporter, 'These morons — when this is over, I will be the hero'

Looks like Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump are caught in a fierce competition to see who can reach peak crazy first — which I can only assume (hope?) will culminate in a literal poo-flinging contest between the bars of their adjoining cells.

So Rudy is melting down like a forlorn flap of Kraft cheese wedged between Trump’s heaving, oleaginous, 5,000-BTU moobs.

Check this:

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Oh, and Plott has more.

Seems Rudy is in the doghouse, and he’s not taking it well. You see, he’s a hero. A hero, I tells ya!

Even among the president’s closest allies, Giuliani is now the subject of scorn. When I reached him by phone this morning, following House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff’s release of the full whistle-blower complaint at the center of the Ukraine scandal, he was, put simply, very angry.

“It is impossible that the whistle-blower is a hero and I’m not. And I will be the hero! These morons—when this is over, I will be the hero,” Giuliani told me.

“I’m not acting as a lawyer. I’m acting as someone who has devoted most of his life to straightening out government,” he continued, sounding out of breath. “Anything I did should be praised.”

According to Plott, Rudy also raged about the “Bidens, Hillary Clinton, the Clinton Foundation, Barack Obama, the media, and the ‘deep state.’” And as we’re all keenly aware, whenever you hear a Trumpie mention the deep state, you know everything he or she says after that will be completely lucid.

But Rudy’s own crazy head is now the least of his problems. Now he’s getting a heaping share of the blame for this scandal because, you know, Trump can’t be expected to separate reality from nonsense all on his own:

This morning, a former senior White House official told me this “entire thing,” referring to the Ukraine scandal, was “Rudy putting shit in Trump’s head.” A senior House Republican aide bashed Giuliani, telling me he was a “moron.” Both individuals spoke on condition of anonymity in order to be candid.

“They’re a bunch of cowards,” Giuliani told me in response. “I didn’t do anything wrong. The president knows they’re a bunch of cowards.”

Look out for that bus, Rudy. It’s run over far smarter and more capable people than you.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.