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In House hearing on extremism, Republican reveals he's been duped by military version of 'The Onion'

1 min read

Most of us don’t think Bill Gates has uploaded Windows Vista into the COVID-19 vaccine, and we won’t give credence to inanities burped out by semi-ambulatory heaps of knob cheese who listen to demon sperm doctors instead of world-renowned infectious disease experts. Why? Because we’re astute consumers of media.

But Republicans, by and large, are not. My own sister is an anti-vaxxer now, and if I ever deign to don a hazmat suit so I can safely visit her in her benighted Northeast Wisconsin redoubt, I’ll let her know that the vaccine is safe, effective, and … oh, my God, why is a baby arm growing out of my abdomen, and why does it keep slipping strawberry Yoo-hoo into my parachute pants while I’m searching for loose-leaf tea?

Okay, just kidding. I don’t drink loose-leaf tea. See how easy it is to fool people on the internet, though? I mean, just ask Republican Rep. Pat Fallon, who hails from—oh, Jesus Christ; this again—Texas.

During a Wednesday House Armed Services Committee hearing on extremism in the military, Fallon asked Lecia Brooks, chief of staff at the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), if the group had named the VFW and American Legion as hate groups. (Spoiler alert: It hadn’t.)

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