Don’t get me wrong. Joe Biden’s recent polling numbers have me giddier than Donald Trump’s Adderall dealer before a Southern superspreader rally.
Biden is stomping the sugary piss out of Trump from his fucking basement. It’s a beautiful thing to behold, and I understand the impulse to get out over our skis right now.
The New York Times’ recent A+-rated poll has Biden 14 points ahead nationally, and FiveThirtyEight puts Biden up by an average of more than 9 points.
These are gaudy numbers, and we’re right to be excited about them.
But do you know who isn’t overly impressed? Joe Biden:
Biden has been in this game for a long time and he knows that 1) four months is an eternity when it comes to electoral politics and 2) we’ve seen this movie before.
No, not just in 2016, though that election should stand as a cautionary tale for us all.
I’m talking about the fore-fore-times — way back in 1988, when I was just a callow whelp daydreaming about the golden age of progressivism that was soon to be ushered in by President Michael Dukakis. Because, you know, he was way, way ahead — that is, before the George H.W. Bush campaign went full-bore scaremongering racist and Dukakis put that tank helmet on.
Oddly enough, the above image shrank Dukakis’ lead to the precise proportion that it shrank my testicles … and the rest is history.
In case you don’t believe me, here was the state of the 1988 presidential race on July Fucking 26!
Fifty-five percent of the 948 registered voters interviewed in the poll said they preferred to see Mr. Dukakis win the 1988 Presidential election, while 38 percent said they preferred to see Mr. Bush win. The poll had a margin of sampling error of plus or minus four percentage points.
This represented a shift in Mr. Dukakis's lead from the 47 percent to 41 percent advantage he held in the last pre-convention Gallup Poll, taken by telephone July 8-10. In that poll, 1,001 registered voters were interviewed.
That was a 17-point lead. In mid-summer. Bush eventually won in a landslide.
Granted, Bush wasn’t an incumbent mired in perpetual scandal (though the administration he served as vice president had a doozy in the Iran-Contra affair), and he wasn’t facing a cratering economy (yet) or a health crisis that he’d mishandled and made far worse than it had to be.
Still. Seventeen points. Poof! Gone.
It’s waaaaaaaay too early to get too excited about Biden’s prospects. Reality has a way of kicking us in the head when we’re feeling smug, as we all know.
Let’s keep the pedal to the metal until the polls close on November 3.
I’m sure we’ll win.
But, well, I’m not that sure.
Onward to victory! And don’t get fucking complacent! (Not a great slogan, but I’m sure you catch my meaning.)
“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!