Howard Stern knows Donald Trump about as well as anyone can. Trump appeared on Stern’s radio show numerous times and never failed to make an ass out of himself. Whether it was agreeing that his own daughter was a “piece of ass” or insisting he could do math when he couldn’t, Trump always took the opportunity to demonstrate his stupidity and lack of basic humanity.
And Stern has a secret that’s, well, really only news to Trump’s most ardent supporters: Trump fucking hates them.
“One thing Donald loves is celebrities, he loves the famous,” Stern said on his SiriusXM show Tuesday. “He loves it. He loves to be in the mix.”Stern, 66, hosted Trump on his radio show several times over the years and frequently saw him at social events, including the shock jock’s 2008 wedding, where he seated the then-future president next to Joan Rivers. According to Stern, Trump went anywhere famous people would be and is suffering now that Hollywood has turned its back on him. He likened the president’s predicament to an episode of “The Twilight Zone.”“The oddity in all of this is the people Trump despises most, love him the most,” Stern said. “The people who are voting for Trump for the most part… he wouldn’t even let them in a f—ing hotel. He’d be disgusted by them. Go to Mar-a-Lago, see if there’s any people who look like you. I’m talking to you in the audience.”
You can see this clearly in comments like “I love the poorly educated.” Trump thinks this is worthy of saying in public, and maybe in some twisted way he even thinks it’s a compliment. But it betrays a deep contempt for the dipshits in his base. He knows they’re ignorant, but as long as they vote for him, he’ll pretend he cares about their welfare.
Of course, the only way Trump could ever get elected is through the stupid vote, so he has to be their champion. They see themselves in him, after all. Finally, someone who doesn’t talk down to them — because, well, he can’t.
But that doesn’t mean he likes them. He wants to be at the cool kids’ table. Unfortunately, the cool kids have always considered him a joke — and that’s true now more than ever. He didn’t suddenly acquire status because he’s president. He merely diminished the presidency. He’s the same baggy-pants clown he always was. Now he has a (tarnished) title.
That’s why he hates the media and celebrities who won’t stoop to kiss his ring. They’re the people he wants to impress. Unfortunately for him, they’re far too smart to succumb to his shaved-ape carny act.
Of course, despite his harsh words for his erstwhile friend, Stern would welcome him back with open arms if he did just one thing:
“I do think it would be extremely patriotic of Donald to say ‘I’m in over my head and I don’t want to be president anymore,’” Stern said. “It’d be so patriotic that I’d hug him and then I’d go back to Mar-a-Lago and have a meal with him and feel good about him because it would be such an easy thing to do.”Stern also conceded it’s highly unlikely that’s going to happen.
Yeah, it really is unlikely. But one can dream, right?
Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.