The Politicus

Hey, gals! If you’re tired of the ‘soy boy swamp,’ this new ‘Christian’ dating site is for you!

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Yoo-hoo, ladies! You’ve hit the manly man trifecta: conservative, biblically correct dudes who want to marry you as soon as effing possible! How can you refuse?

A new “traditional” dating website, Dominion Dating, plans to launch on Aug. 1 with “1,000+ bold, biblical singles … ready to build families, shape culture & take dominion.”

Uh, not to be a killjoy, but they may want to up that number, unless this is really just a way to start a Christian apocalypse cult at a remote Wyoming compound or something. That’s a pretty shallow dating pool, and considering how eager for marriage the site’s target audience appears to be, that number could get whittled down to nada in no time.

While the site won’t launch for another three months, you gals need to be ready. Imagine consolidating all the harassment you get from incels and other anti-feminists in one convenient location! But if you think you’re anything more than a warm, fecund womb that lamentably sprouted a brain and four limbs at some point during your dissolute, wayward lives, you may want to move along. This isn’t the spot for you.