Last updated on March 12, 2021
Yeah, this was easy enough to predict.
Part of voting against a COVID relief measure that polls better than dolphins riding glitter-farting unicorns on enchanted rainbow highways to free breadsticks and blowhole-waxing night at Olive Garden is that you’re morally obligated to sit back and take your lumps.
But as we well know, Republicans have no morals. They have talking points—and an unsettling number of constituents with the memories of below-average fruit flies.
So you get sly, winky-wink shit like this, from Mississippi Sen. Roger Wicker:
Independent restaurant operators have won $28.6 billion worth of targeted relief.
This funding will ensure small businesses can survive the pandemic by helping to adapt their operations and keep their employees on the payroll.https://t.co/Ob4pRb9Xh4
— Senator Roger Wicker (@SenatorWicker) March 10, 2021
For the nontweeters: “Independent restaurant operators have won $28.6 billion worth of targeted relief. This funding will ensure small businesses can survive the pandemic by helping to adapt their operations and keep their employees on the payroll.”
Note that the most important part of his tweet—“no thanks to me, of course”—somehow got cut off. He’ll be talking to the Twitter help desk about that soon, I’m sure.
Oh, and also … FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YOU, SENATOR!
This is like Jeffrey Dahmer showing up at a church potluck and trying to take credit for the vegan hummus.
No! No, Senator! Bad! We know for a fact you brought the O’Doul’s and circus peanuts. And whatever this pâté is. You’re not fooling anyone, dude.
I assume this is just an opening salvo. As more and more Americans are helped out of a bind by President Biden’s signature relief bill, and as the economy starts to roar back thanks to his brawny COVID-mitigation and relief efforts, you’re likely to see a lot more of this.
We can’t let it happen.
This is a 100% Democratic relief bill—meaning exactly zero Republicans voted for it.
We can never forget that, and—more importantly—we can never let them forget it.
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Say “ba-bye” to the former guy. The long-anticipated EPILOGUE to Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is now available for FREE. Download your copy here! And don’t forget to check out the rest of AJP’s oeuvre here.
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